Going on Year 3

bear cub
A bear cub on a branch

I’ve been in a weird mood. I feel like I’m definitely in the middle of a pretty wibbly part of the pandemic. I’m not sure what my feelings are from one moment to the next. Some days are really hard, and then the next day is fine, and then some other day I am doing work and feel better, or just weird things. If I think about my emotional/love life too hard I get sad, but then my career will cheer me up. Which probably sounds backwards to most people but genuinely most of the time my career is the thing making me happy.

Anyway, I got nominated for a Teddy Award in the Exhibition category. That’s exciting! It’s my second time being nommed for a Teddy and I would really like one. I also know the project that’s nominated isn’t super queer except that I made it. Which was the same with the other project I was nominated for a Teddy. So I dunno sometimes I wish I was doing really overtly queer stuff in these moments. Except I am but those show other places.

What else? I mean I think we are all in a pretty wibbly state right now. A lot of death around us and sickness and it’s just hard. I don’t even know what to tell people when they tell me they have it. I feel like it’s so cruel how far we are from each other.

I got invited to a festival on a continent I would love to visit for the first time, but I’m too worried about bringing covid with me and infecting them so I probably won’t physically be able to go. I don’t know, my rules are constantly changing. Apparently COVID cases in the US are going down if you look at wastewater covid data. I don’t know about Canada.

Mostly I’m angry that so many world governments just abysmally failed their people. Even Canada. Canada’s too busy attacking Indigenous land defenders in favour of climate change to actually put in some kind of COVID strategy. We didn’t even have widespread access to tests until now. It fucking sucks here. And yet I’m staying here cause it’s my fucking homeland. Or close to it anyway cause I’m not in my territory. I mean the USA is also my homeland tho, the border crossed us!

Things are good and bad and all kinds of things. I don’t even know how to write my blog posts anymore when so much of my career is happening in secret. I recently got asked for a screener from a company that’s ridiculously huge and mainstream and it was so weird. Like me? Pervy lil dyke punk kid me???

I still think of myself like I’m a teenager actually. Like just thinking of myself still being at heart a little punk dyke whose inevitably at odds with the system. I don’t know.

I’ve got to do laundry today, I’m out of socks, out of so many things. I should go do that.

I don’t know why I wrote this post. I feel like I didn’t update you on anything at all. Here’s me going on year 3 of a pandemic in my apartment. Gonna go heat up pizza then do laundry for the thousandth time. WOOOOOO

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