I’m really tired, but I got to sleep in this morning for the first time in days. I slept until 10am. Little Mister woke me up so he could start his day. Posey can sleep forever if she feels like it, she just hangs out with me where ever I am in the house.’
Today a couple friends came over to bring me things and hang out, which was nice. I got to visit and have things like dog food and medication and food things. I’m looking forward to getting my life back. I don’t know how long I will be in this boot, my friend Terri who was with me at the hospital says the doctor said two weeks. I’m not sure. I’m going to be glad to get rid of it. This damn boot. I mean the thing is it DOES help, and it makes me feel a little bit more safe and secure when it’s on. It’s just my foot is stuck in one position, it doesn’t move, it’s big and clunky and makes me uneven. It’s frustrating.
I’m not as depressed as I was the other day. Yesterday I went to work and we did a shoot and I got to be out of my house seeing this event happen and it was pretty exciting. I got to be social and that was nice. And today my friends dropped by and that was nice. The more I get to see people, the better I feel about things. It’s only when I’m alone and cooped up that I get anxious, depressed, and squirrelly.
I’m taking notice of changes inside though. I bought this huge cactus a few weeks back from the corner store, and this morning I noticed it has a couple of tufts on the tops of it’s pads. I don’t know if it’s a flower, or the beginning of a new pad, or what. I did notice when I looked at it more closely that both of those pads had clearly had growth broken off in the past, where these tufts are now coming out of. Maybe the plant people were trying to keep it from getting too big to sell and transport, so they snapped off the older growth. It’s kind of a metaphor for life really, some places just keep you from growing. Anyway, it seems to have clued in that it has a safe home now and it CAN grow again, because it’s starting and I am getting a happy vibe off of it. I’m trying not to water it too much. I literally only watered it twice since I got it. Apparently it’s happy with that.
The dogs are happy I’m home so much. Posey cried the other day when I went to work. She would follow me everywhere if she could.
Anyway, it’s Friday night, I’ve got a case of near beer to drink (ha ha tho I won’t drink the whole thing), my cable works at least, and tomorrow my friend Elwood is gonna pick up my modem from the post office so I can get online and do work again.
I’m touching my healing chest tattoo a lot these days because it’s itchy, trying not to scratch tho. It’s made me feel different about my body, in like, positive and sexy ways though. Like, I just really like looking at it now. I have my shirt off a lot more when I’m home and the blinds are closed. I feel like it’s an attractive tattoo, and it kind of fits my gender really well, it’s a roaring bear with a chrysanthemum, so it’s like a sweet balance of masculine and feminine. It makes me feel more at home in my body, which is nice. It’s still a bit tender in places. It was red in one area, but that seems to have gone away now. Bears are my guardian spirit animal, so it has a lot of personal meaning for me. I’ve had bear dreams my whole life and feel an affinity towards them. I’m not allowed to eat them for spiritual reasons. I’m not supposed to eat horses either actually. I have had bear grease on me in the past, but I think that’s permitted for Medicine reasons.
Anyway, I’m gonna be okay. I need to do dishes tonight, it would improve my life. I’ve put it off because I needed to be able to be on my feet for fifteen minutes to wash them up. And that was a lot to ask. But tonight I fried up some bacon, and I was able to put most of my weight on my left leg, and it seemed okay.
My foot is a little swollen where the injury was today, I think probably because I moved around a lot yesterday. ALSO I didn’t take any tylenol yesterday, which was kinda stupid. I took some today. But yeah, it was a mistake, because I felt pretty sore at the end of the day.
Next week hopefully we are gonna finish up the shoot. We’ll see. We talked about ways for me to be able to direct while sitting down. I kind of joked about needing a director’s chair, but the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a totally good idea. I’m sure I can get other chairs at the location. But a director’s chair sounds nice, like real pro ha ha!
Anyway, I’m not AS bummed out as the last post I wrote here. It still comes and goes though.