Monthly Archives: November 2015

Career outlook

The pups are ok! Little Mister gave me a concern for a second, but right now they are all back to normal and Posey has taken all her medication.

I’ve been doing good! I have written over 1000 words in the last two days, which is getting me back on track with my script process. I need to get this outline done before I leave, and then hopefully do a couple more drafts before I get back. Also I got asked to apply for a job for next year which I think I would be really awesome at. Actually a prof from my last semester gave the person who contacted me my email, which was really sweet because I didn’t know she thought of me that favourably. So I’m gonna get my resume all polished up and ready to go. It won’t be for a while yet.

If that works out it will open the door for me getting more jobs in that field, which would significantly improve my financial outlook. And it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I would talk more about it but I don’t want to jinx it!

I’ve been submitting 2 Spirit Introductory Special $19.99 to a whole bunch of festivals. Which means I’ve been paying some entry fees. So far I haven’t had to pay any crazy entry fees, just small sums here and there. But I hope it works out! Actually a festival in Palm Springs requested to screen it in March! I didn’t even submit it there, the programmer saw it and wanted it. And it’s been accepted to another couple of festivals, one in Toronto and another elsewhere in Ontario. And I believe it is showing in San Francisco in February or something? I also found out an older film of mine, Madness In Four Actions, will screen in France sometime soon. So I have to get my shit together around that. I need to back up my laptop too actually. Maybe I should do that tomorrow. It takes at least 4 hours to copy everything onto one of my hard drives. I’ve got about 6TB worth of external hard drive space and I haven’t utilized it as well as I should.

I really like my career. I’ve been doing it since I was 16 and I am still totally into it. I like that my challenges are getting bigger and better. There’s a chance I might be able to get some significant development money for the script I wrote for my thesis project. I really hope so! I still need to find a producer. I’ve spoken about it here and there when I’m at festivals and they ask what my next projects are, and it keeps getting a really interested response from people. I know SOMEONE is gonna want to be involved. It’s just difficult. I need to find a Telefilm approved producer because they want producers to have made a certain amount of work within the last two years. And from what I understand the list is very short. I should ask my friend again, she had a list of people she knew were approved. But really, the gatekeeping for making a feature film is pretty weird. The realistic thing is for me to get a microbudget feature made, BUT this project is NOT possible with a microbudget. What a headache.

I’m going home for Christmas soon! December 10th! I’m excited to see some of my friends! And my family! And the pups are coming with me. I’m getting more used to having them on the plane. When we went the first time I was so worried, but Westjet does a good job with pets.

Anyway, it’s late, I guess I should go to bed!


Posey is doing a lot better today. She had a runny poop this morning, but it wasn’t all bloody like yesterday. She didn’t eat most of yesterday, BUT she has eaten today. I’ve been following her around waiting for her to have another poop, but it hasn’t happened. I’ve been telling her to poop. But she isn’t listening.
However, she is a lot happier, and is jumping around and snuggling like normal. She kind of threw up early this morning, but it was mostly mucus. I think she would be in distress if something more serious was going on. BUT I do really want her to have a poop. There was one poop earlier, but I think it was Little Mister’s. I wish I knew how long it takes for food to go through their systems. I guess that’s what google’s for.

Posey’s Bad Day

Around 1pm I found a bloody stool on one of the puppy pads the dogs use. The problem with having two dogs is that you won’t know which one had the bad poop until you see them do it again. But for whatever reason, I had a hunch it was Posey. So I started watching her, and called the vet and got an appointment for 5pm for which ever dog was having bad poops. I saw her going back there and having another bad poop, and then she had this terrible bloody watery diarrhea dripping from her bum for a while. I had a hard time waiting for her vet appointment. Especially since she was so obviously unhappy, and starting to retch, and I was getting really worried about her.
So at 4:30 I went to the vet, even though we just sat there for a half hour before her appointment. She was unhappy. The vet gave her a good exam, checked her belly in case there was an obstruction (she decided there isn’t), and gave her a rectal exam and took her temperature. She has a bit of a fever. The reasons for her bloody stool are varied! She could have gotten worms from snuffling at the ground on our walks. She could have eaten something that hurt her tummy. We don’t really know. But she has a dewormer and an antibiotic that also does something else.
They are both liquids and so far she is doing TERRIBLE at taking them, she tries to spit as much out as possible, so clearly I have to brush up on how to administer it better. One is a 3ml dose which is A LOT for a small dog. I would mix it up with food, but right now her tummy is so bad that she doesn’t want to eat her dinner. They sent her home with some canned wet food for gastrointestinal problems. But she is so unhappy that Little Mister ate her supper.
So I’m worried about her, but she is doing a bit better. She is still pooping blood, but they said that would happen for a while, and hopefully tomorrow she will start doing better. She’s gotten blood, barf, and shit on me, and at this point I have stopped changing my clothes. I really hope she doesn’t get any gross stuff on the bed, BUT if she does I will just have to do some laundry I guess.
Little Mister is perfectly fine. He’s been having a regular day, barking out the window, sleeping on the couch, walking around wagging his tail. He was sad when Posey left to go to the vet, but he was very happy when she returned.
I hope she feels better tomorrow. If she keeps getting worse I have to take her back. I think she will get better tho. I hope so!

Kind of a close call I guess . . .

So eleven days after I got back from Paris with my Mom, the whole terror attack thing happens. Which made all those soldiers doing patrols through the city make a lot more sense (though they were still creepy to see, and in the end not at the places that got targeted). I had a couple of friends who were in Paris when it happened, but they were safe, as were the people we knew who lived there. My friend Rolf actually lives in the neighborhood where the shootings were, so I’m glad he didn’t go out that night.

And then a whole bunch of shit happened on facebook with people being mad at other people about how they were reacting and it got really tiresome and for a while I was just like “UGH!” every time I was on facebook. And I don’t mean people being mad at racists, I mean people on the left being super irritating. Even leftists can be assholes.

Anyway! UGH! There’s not a whole lot I can do about the whole thing besides being anti-racist and vocal about being against Islamophobia. Atheists got a bit annoying too. That whole “Let’s ban all religions!” thing. Oh man shut up! Overwhelmingly the Muslim communities don’t agree with ISIS anyway! Just like overwhelmingly Christians find Westboro Baptist Church odious.

People keep adding me to Atheist groups on Facebook, but I don’t actually identify as an Atheist. I kind of do believe in God, but probably not as most people assume God to be. Like I don’t imagine this one big omnipotent being in a cloud somewhere. Or a male or female God. I had this huge realization about God when I had my first manic episode, but everyone kind of made fun of me for it so it seems weird to talk about now EVEN THOUGH I still believe it to be true. I just think we are all God. Like I am God, and you are God, and we are all having this experience to learn how to be a better being in the end. It’s really simple. And my dog Posey is God, and so is Mister, and the tree outside is God, and the birds, etc. Stars. Aliens. The Moon. My Mom.

And when my Grandma was dying all these spirits were coming into the room of people and animals she knew in her lifetime to take her away, so I also have a hard time believing that there is NOTHING after death.

But sometimes the Atheist groups post something I find funny, which is probably the only reason I don’t remove myself. Like Jesus shooing away the dinosaur, that is cute. I will repost that!

Back to regular scheduled programming

I’ve been slacking! Well, it’s probably because I had a lot going on. I mean, the only real thing I have been slacking with is my scriptwriting. Instead I finished a video, wrote two grants, and went to Paris. But I have to get back into some kind of writing routine. Cause right now it SUCKS ASS!

I was going to Jet Fuel and writing every morning with Louis, back when we were still friends, but I haven’t been since the falling out. Which is too bad because they made an awesome latte. Instead my morning routine consists of facebooking, drinking french press coffee, and then taking pups on their walk. Nothing about writing. It’s terrible! I mean, the coffee and dog walking is pretty much essential, but the facebooking could be curbed I guess.

I really just need to sit my ass down in front of my laptop and write and write and write.

I think I have a bit of a block. I’m just doing the outline for my Skunk Cousins Christmas script, but the tension within the plot is not built up enough. It’s all about addiction and the first sober Christmas of this main character. Hmmmm.

I guess that means I have to think about my sobriety a lot more than I have lately. I haven’t even gone to an NA meeting or a support group in over a year. Not since I lived in Saskatoon. I used to go to concurrent disorders support groups all the time. It really helped. But this last year was all about school and just keeping my head above water. And so for whatever reason I wasn’t really concerned with my sobriety. It just became another facet of my life that I didn’t think too much about.

When I was still using, Christmas Day was, even though it was super family oriented ALWAYS, ALSO a heavy drinking day. And of course there was the one Christmas day my cuz and I waited around for our dealer. WHO DEALS ON CHRISTMAS DAY???? OMG! Only a superhero, if you are an addict. My dealer the superhero. We waited for hours, but then when our drugs finally came we were like, so happy. And of course meanwhile the family is getting together trying to be cheerful. I don’t remember my first sober Christmas. I think it went ok. I mean, mostly the people getting loaded at Mom’s house was just myself and maybe a cousin or too. Mom could have baileys in her coffee and wine at dinner, but she didn’t go all out like me.

And then another part of me wonders how much Saskatoon is implicated in all of this. I had vague realizations that Saskatoon is a heavy drinking city. But I really didn’t notice until my cuz Deanna went back from Victoria recently and made the observation that she has drank more times in her short time there than her six months or whatever in Victoria where she only drank four times. And it’s true! People drink a lot more there. There’s not much else to do. It’s just the culture of the city.

But I did get sober in Saskatoon, so it is POSSIBLE to come out of that drinking mindset and move on.

I’ve noticed this thing with couples. When one quits smoking, usually the other one has to as well, or it won’t work. They will just bum a smoke off their partner and go back to smoking. I’ve noticed couples have a really hard time quitting because of that. That’s sort of the premise of my script too, which is that it is difficult (though not impossible) to quit using when you are surrounded and close to addicts and alcoholics. It’s just always available and there and so easy to just fall off the wagon. BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO. But very few people will just cut off all of their relatives who are using or drinking. I mean, I love my cousins, and I do hang out with them even when they are using and drinking and what not. Maybe it doesn’t tempt me anymore. It used to.

I’ve had a couple of drinking dreams lately. I don’t know why, I don’t miss being drunk. I miss craft beer, but I don’t miss puking on the ground or the floor or someone else’s penthouse.

There was this saying in my concurrent disorders support group where they say “Play the tape to the end.” And it means if you are wistfully reminiscing about your addiction, you should remember the consequences of that action. Because really I did get myself into some super shitty situations through my drinking and drug use. I lost a $30,000 a year job. I lost affordable housing. I once had to pay hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket home after I missed my flight from getting too drunk in a foreign country. UGH! I lost my favorite bunnyhug TWICE! Once when I was on E and another time when I puked all over someone’s place. Ha ha I guess the bunnyhug isn’t so awful. BUT IT WAS! It was made of lambswool and blue and had a zip up the front, it was the best one ever. I bought it twice it was so nice, and then I could never find it again.

Ha ha, so these are all the things I have to think about in relation to my script.

I’m gonna write for four hours at the very least tomorrow! That is my goal. Actually writing this tonight has sort of helped with my thoughts around the subject.



Well, my trip to Paris was amazing! We saw all kinds of sights, Versailles, the exterior of the Moulin Rouge, some crazy sex store street (on the way to Moulin Rouge from Pigalle), took a “petite train” through Montmartre, saw these trios of armed soldiers walking around about four different places (which was super creepy), the Eiffel tower, went on a bus tour of Paris and a ghost tour that met in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral. Saw the Thinker’s back from the top of our bus, the Arc De Triomphe, a golden flame above the tunnel Princess Diana died in. We found out practically every square used to have public beheadings. Fell in love with Jordan’s 4 Noix cereal (and brought some home). Mom rode the back of a scooter up the street where we stayed, being driven by one of our hosts! My video screened to a huge audience and it went really well. We saw some excellent films, found out that French lesbians learned the word Dandelion from Orange Is The New Black.

It was a good trip! I had some good and bad dreams, good and bad sleeps. Mom is a snorer, so I brought ear plugs, and for the most part when I wore them I was ok. Our plane on the way to Paris was awful, we didn’t have seat back video screens, so we just had to watch whatever was on the main screen, no wifi, no power outlets, ugh! And cramped quarters. But coming back we had a great plane! No wifi or power either, but at least we could pick what we wanted to see. I watched The Clouds of Sils Maria, and Bessie.

Travelling with Mom was a bit weird, especially because she’s got a bad knee so it limited her mobility. But ultimately it was good, because she is more assertive than me and asked strangers questions like how to find Jim Morrison’s grave because we were at Pere Lachaise and had limited time to see it before my roundtable at the festival. Oh yeah, so we saw his grave. It was my second time seeing it. She was good at attempting to talk in French. Mostly we noticed when we tried to talk in French people had no clue what we were saying. Or were being snotty, one or the other.

I had a good time at the festival! I was amazed how many older women attended. They seemed to be people who had attended for many many years. We weren’t really supposed to take pictures, so I didn’t take many there, just a selfie of me in the audience at my screening. I saw a couple of hotties, but I only talked to one, and the other one I just admired from afar.

They put cheese on everything it seems! It got kind of overwhelming! I also started thinking in French, which was a little trippy but not surprising.

Where to next? Well, if I get my script into the script station at Berlinale I’ll go to Berlin in February. I am also going to apply for a residency just outside of Glasgow, Scotland, which would happen next summer. So those are all maybes. I am for sure going to Saskatoon for a month in Dec-Jan. It will be nice to see old friends and my family and Grandpa!

I missed my dogs a lot. But I have a really good dog sitter, Amethyst, so they were in good hands and I wasn’t worried and got cute photos of them now and then.

I got back yesterday around suppertime. Had a good sleep, sent mom to the airport to go back to Saskatoon. Today I picked up mail at the post office, walked pups, ate leftover pizza, and just basked in the happiness of being back home!