Memories of Birthdays long past!
My Birthday is coming up, as I have been telling everyone on Facebook. Really! I will be 32 years old next Monday the 26th. For someone who didn’t think they would live to be 30, that is a long time! And now that I am beyond 30, I am viewing life in a much different way. For one thing I have to get together a strategy for sustaining my life, instead of just burning out.
I’ve quit smoking cigarettes. It has been since Wednesday at 2pm that I have had a smoke. But to be honest I had three cigarettes on Friday night. BUT none since. And I didn’t ask for the first one of three, I thought it was drugs and I was drunk. But none since, no bad cravings. I was popping lozenges on top of patches A LOT the first day, and then less and less in the days since. Today I’ve only had about three of them, on top of the patch. I can smell things now, like the fresh air. Which I SWEAR to GOD smells like a Bounty dryer sheet to the newly ex-smoker’s nose. AND I have maintained not smoking pot everyday. I had some at a party on Friday night, but that’s it, just weekly tokes. I still want to get down to NO toking. I think it’s a worthy goal for myself. I don’t even really care about the feeling it gives me anymore, the being high feeling. It’s suddenly so unimportant.
UNFORTUNATELY I seem to be getting DRUNK with more intensity than before. Like REALLY drunk. I have to back off from that a bit. I really don’t want to replace getting high with being drunk, because both states are incredibly annoying to others. I’m not a mean drunk, but I can be a stupid drunk. And I don’t like being stupid.
Every time I get around to my birthday, I always re-evaluate my life, my morals and beliefs and ethics. I try to grow as a person. Some birthdays I am better at this than others. And this birthday I am torn between going out and getting FUCKED UP like is normal for one of my adult birthdays, or doing something entirely wholesome like have a picnic. I suppose there is room for both. I just want to have some fun, do something profoundly interesting with some people.
My friend Louis Cruz from back in my second home of Vancouver sent me some photos tonight of us getting drunk during my 27th birthday back in 2005. We were so cute! And it looked like it was so fun, just me and my friends hitting the pub and then going to the gay bar, me in Louis’ sailor shirt and my sailor hat. I often wonder whatever happened to my sailor hat. It was low key yet ridiculously fun. I want to have another birthday like that, a dress up get drunk and dance birthday. I should really organize something. I also wanted to have a hot tub party at my Mom’s, if she was out of town. But I don’t know yet if she is going to be out of town for sure.
YIPPEE! She says I can have a hot tub party at her house on Saturday night! Except we can’t stay too late.