I was like, eleven when i got my period. That was weird. I had to figure out how to survive my adolescence and I read the required girl books, including the classic “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.” Which is about getting your first period. And it’s really dated now, I mean, her sanitary napkin was like some kind of paratrooper harness, so extreme! So I had to make a big fuss over my period.
I thought conceptually it was interesting, but aside from that it was just a pain in the ass. Suddenly I had to carry sanitary napkins and be discrete, and that is just beyond this boy’s capability. I also was made to care for a bag of flour for a week in case I got accidentally knocked up. I mean, everyone did. But what the hell, it was a bag of flour! That doesn’t teach responsibility, that just makes everyone feel dumb. How would you like to carry a bag of flour on the bus with you for a week. But it made me paranoid of having children, because now children weren’t much more complex than bags of flour, except noisier. And who wants to raise some powdered grain? No one!
Anyway, that theory about if boys had periods their bedrooms would look like crime scenes? True. All true. Tragic to be so obvious.
I used to write all my protagonists in the male position, I mean, up until I was twelve and decided to write about girls for a while. And it was weird, because I always thought of my characters as men, but I had to switch them and see if there was any truth to that. And there was, which made me happy. But that’s still not as complex as it really is.
When you are trans, sometimes it seems there are always two worlds going on, one that respects you and another that hates you. And finding your way through those two worlds is scary as shit! I could have come out ages ago, but I didn’t want to see history repeat itself and I didn’t want to live through the last Weimar Era. So I tried to hang on to it as best as I can and figure out how to be myself and live up to some code of ethics. But I lost them on the way. I think they’re back now.