I was on the bus today when a creepy eerie thing happened. I guess I have been reflecting lately on turning twenty-seven in less than a week and what I’ve learned since I was seventeen. How I got more accepting and compassionate for those around me, and also just thinking of all the shit I’ve been through to get to where I am today. All those years with the wrong diagnoses, all the bad marks on my transcript from when I would go crazy. Anyway, I was wondering if I really am so mature, or if I’m still seventeen.
Then I got on the bus with my friend and these teenage girls who were Paris Hilton wannabes were tittering and making me feel awkward. And sitting next to me was a girl their age, probably from the same school, who looked like the girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse. I hope they didn’t make her feel weird. I remember being at the mercy of mean girly girls.
Paris Hilton scares me. And Britney Spears. I’ve seen whole hordes of Britney Spearses, hey, how do you say Britney Spears plural? Britney Speari? Anyway, hordes, like a biblical plague of locusts, descending on everyone, sprinkling perfume samples amidst the holy rollers that picket in front of the Virgin Megastore. You Will Burn in Hell! But on the way, be sure to purchase our new scent “Capitalist Beauty Queen.”
Really though, I love femmes. There is only one thing I would like to change about dating femmes; buying clothes. There is something about it, I dunno, it’s a bit like taking your medicine. You know it’s a good idea, femmes have a flair for picking out things that make you look good, especially if they groove on butch vibe. However this could go wrong if you’re shopping with a femme who secretly wants to make you over into a girly girl for a night. But ooooh, it takes so freaking long to pick something. I go out shopping, I’m like “Blue bunnyhug.” And I hunt through all the stores on Granville street and usually it’s at the Bay and I pay my money and I have my blue bunnyhug for the year. Or I buy jeans. That’s pretty much it for clothes shopping, that’s all I want to do. And I wear my blue bunnyhugs pretty much all day year round, so that’s it for fashion.
It’s because I am a bachelor. A blue bunnyhug wearing bachelor.
For those of you not in the know, bunnyhug is Saskatchewan for a hoodie.