Why is it that straight people take over queer spaces, yet queers never take over straight spaces? It’s like we’re always fighting to hold onto what little we have. New management is always a threat, and they ALWAYS tell us they won’t change a thing, then a few months down the road we’re looking for a new place to hang out.
Maybe it doesn’t sound so important to other people who aren’t marginalized, oh boo hoo, got to find another bar. Well it is a sad thing, even for me, and I don’t go out to bars that much. It’s like we’re being constantly colonized and re-located.
Whatever. I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t have money to invest in a bar. Currently the only quasi regular dyke bar in town is ridiculously small, while the boys have way more clubs that are huge and dedicated to being homo hangouts. Are there more gay men than lesbians? And where do you go if you want to find cute bisexual women?
It is a quandary, to be sure.
I overslept again today. I’ve been having these really vivid dreams, and they are more interesting than anything going on in my life right now. So naturally I choose sleep over real life. It looks like I am just laying there, but really I am sailing in dream land. Recently I dreamt that I kept choosing beauty over trust in relationships. I woke up and I was kind of like “That is so true!” In my dream trust was withering away and dying, all because I kept fucking beauty. Weird.
I have a date tonight. I haven’t had a date in years. I mean that very literally, YEARS! I think the official count is four years.
I want to eat a banana.
I’m a bit nervous about my date. I showered, found a clean shirt, found my old army pants. I still have to put some smelly sticky stuff in my hair. I took my medication, rolled a cigarette from butts (gross, don’t do that in front of anyone!), I q-tipped my ears. It’s such a late date, I’m a little nervous sex is going to be involved, and I am horribly out of practice. I never had much practice to begin with either. I am serious, eveyone thinks because I make work about sexuality, I must be scoring all the time. It’s so not true. Even when I was a slut, I didn’t have sex very frequently. With a lot of people, yes, but a lot of those people were one or two night stands.
Why is it called a one night stand when no one is standing?