One bad night, no sleep, racing thoughts, so intrusive and loud you can’t ignore them. Winding up for something worse, oh god, I don’t feel like visiting the hospital again. The next day I call up a relative with the same disorder I have, looking for advice. She sent me to the store with a list of things to get, milk (for the calcium), vitamin b stresstabs, omega 3-6-9, sleepytime tea. I did all the calming down things, and jeez, within two days I seem to already been sleeping soundly yet again.
Being hypervigilant about my health drives my friends spare, I’m sure. I’m always talking about meds, about new models of psychiatric care, about moods and triggers and blah de blah things. I guess I am pretty obsessed with it these days. But then I think about my life, and how I have always been fighting for an awareness of social issues. I guess I feel like I’m willing to spend some time these days destroying the stigma of mental illness. And I understand that not every c/s/x wants to discuss it openly, for various reasons. It can be really difficult when you’re already feeling fragile. Talking about mental health is taken as an invitation for ridicule and derision in our society. It also really freaks people out to think that they could cross the line of sanity at anytime, and that’s an unsettling thought.
The weirdest part is that this latest hypomanic period has brought a lot of fascinating artistic ideas that I want to work on this next while. What a looney disease! 😀 I’m a nerd, it’s true, I use smileys and I shouldn’t, it’s not professional of me.