You know those shows that people like Oprah do, where they fit a whole bunch of women for bra’s and they all come out in new bras going wow, I’m an A cup, I’m a DD cup! and whatever. Well, my mum took me to get fitted today and I’m an E cup!!! Holy fuck, I never thought that would happen. I thought I was a C cup, or maybe a D, but I never ever thought I could be an E!
Anyway, I have a really nice sexy bra now that cost way more than I usually pay. It fits like a glove. A boob glove. I love having breasts, even if I am mannish. I hope someone sleeps with me because I just want to show off the bra.
I did mushrooms a couple nights ago and holy fuck was I fucked up. At one point I was saying “Yeah, the things I hate most are the squids, they can fuck off, what did they ever do for us except bob around and shit. They’re good in calamari though. Hey, do I exist? Wow, this floor feels cool. And everything is like glue. Check out this lip balm!” Our poor friend Preston was REALLY fucked up and just doing the same thing for forty five minutes, shaking, and passing out. Turns out he accidentally took SIX grams of mushrooms. And then I thought someone was cute and then found out they’re in HIGH SCHOOL!!! Yeah, I felt way beyond being a cougar. I would fuck a nineteen year old, but beyond that I get nervous.
I have a tattoo appointment in a few days! Hurrah! I’m getting three of the tattoos I wanted done in the same session. My biohazard tattoo and my two nautical stars on my forearms. I know I’ll be all “oweeya!” after, but it’s okay. I love tattoos, and even the whole process of subjecting myself to extended periods of pain is fun in a “look at me and my pain threshold” butchy macho kind of way. Now I just have to end up with enough money to do my Virgin of Guadalupe and my jaguar spots.
I have no idea what I will do for New Years. Try to find someone who wants to see my bra? I don’t know. Get drunk and do drugs for sure. I’m looking into moving into a housing co-op out in Sutherland. For non-Saskatoon folks, Sutherland used to be a small town until it got absorbed in Saskatoon sprawl. It is also where a murdered skeleton was found recently dating back to the 1920’s. Okay, murdered woman, you can’t murder a skeleton. She turned into a skeleton. And she was thrown in a well, so apparently her soft tissues turned into wax. Ew.
E is for Ew.
It’s also for Exciting, and Erotic!