In which Thirza talks about wanting to be a grown up.

If I could do any job I would want to go colonize Mars, really, be stuck in a tin can for 6 months and then shiver in the freezing cold of a 0 degree Centigrade summer. Then get stuck in the tin can again and come home.

However so far that job only exists in my script. So I have to find something else.

Five years of film school has made me suitable for what exactly? I can’t work on set because the 15 hour days and super extremes of doing that kind of work would make me literally insane, and nobody likes an insane Thirza. Oh sure, it SOUNDS kind of cute, but only in hindsight. I can be really annoying when I am crazy. My ex-girlfriend can attest to that. I’ve tried to get editing jobs, but I never get called back or anything. I did some freelance editing for my friend Ariel once, but it was out of the goodness of my withered heart and I don’t think I got paid, although a lovely video was born.

I’ve considered getting a small business grant that would pay for capital costs so I could start a Final Cut Pro editing business. But I need to work on my reel more before the money will come in.

I am also accepted into an administrative assistant diploma program, but I’ve been having trouble getting the cash to actually go to it.

I have also been toying with the idea of writing copy. Actually I have already applied for a position as a copywriter. It would be fun and creative and I would write all the time. But I would also have to be selling at the same time. As an anarchist punk that is a bit of a strange concept for me to grok. I’m sure as I develop marketing skills I could apply it to my filmy-video career and get better at selling my own creative ideas so I can get money and make art! But I know all my friends would say I sold my soul to advertising. Still, the idea of doing that kind of work intrigues me. I once had this great ad slogan for KOA Campgrounds when I was in grade two and we stayed at one. KOA is A-OK. I still think it’s a great slogan!

Nevermind all that, the real reason I am looking about for a career that pays more than what I am doing now is because of my furry family. Getting evicted was the best thing that ever happened to Mister. Now we’re living in a house with a backyard. It’s temporary though, I don’t plan on living with mom forever.

Little Mister LOVES the backyard!!! He always wants to go out there and sniff about and pee and poo and he is always a straggler when it comes to going back inside. He has made it VERY clear that even though I got a small dog so I could live in apartments, he wants a house with a backyard!!! I can’t afford a backyard on my own.

This means I have to get a roommate, for the first time in YEARS! I’m a little hesitant. For one thing, I have had good and bad roommate experiences. Some have felt like strangers even a year later. And some I still talk to and am friends with, but living together was just not working. For another thing, well, I would like to be the one in charge of the house. You know, the first one there, the one who gets to say “You have to move out” if it isn’t working, not the one who has to move. It’s just a matter of personal security, to know that I will have a solid living situation I can maintain until I buy my own house.

Oh man, GROWN UP TALK! Careers and houses! Next I’ll be talking about getting a wife.
Oh hell, why not? I want a wife still. I don’t know who. I used to think I knew who, but we haven’t talked in a couple years at least and I’m pretty sure after our break up that she doesn’t intend to ever be my wife. I haven’t planned anything about the wedding except that our singer will be my ex-girlfriend Velveeta performing as Velvis, a femme Elvis impersonator. I don’t imagine it will be a huge costly wedding. I’m going to wear a tux, but my Mom explicitly says I cannot wear the one I have and I will have to buy a brand new one. The rings will not be super expensive, I’d rather make a nice video than have a 10,000 dollar ring. The diamonds will be Canadian, with those teeny polar bears etched into them microscopically to prove it.

I have wanted a wife since I was like, 17, but 32 seems to be a nice age to get one. Better than 17 that’s for sure. When I was 17 I mostly wanted a girlfriend to prove I was lovable, not necessarily because I was in love (although I was). My last visit with a psychic she said I would have one more break up and then end up with the woman I would be with for the rest of my life. Forever seems like a nice amount of time to be with someone. Most of my relationships I have felt like I just got to know my girlfriend and suddenly we were broken up. None of them have lasted very long. My longest relationship to date was a year and a month.

And I am HORRIBLY SHY when it comes to ladies. Which is my major stumbling block. I feel all flustered and get really DUMB because I am thinking naughty things and how cute they are and forget to be a good conversationalist. And then even after doing intimate things with women, I don’t know how to take it to the next level very well. I could be totally HOT for someone but end up playing all cool because I don’t want to seem like a nerd who really REALLY likes someone. Although I do and am probably telling everyone else how great this person is and how I want to marry them maybe.

The other thing is most of the partners I have had have been VERY into polyamory, and wifey talk turns them off. AT THE TIME. I have totally seen them get married later, to OTHER people. I just attract the polypeople. I don’t know why. I don’t mind it, I’ve done it, I don’t get jealous easily (we all get jealous sometimes). I don’t even envision my marriage being monogamous, although I could be monogamous pretty easy too. But getting married turns off a lot of my current and past lover type people. They say it’s about ownership. I’m a bottom, I kinda get turned on by the idea of ownership. I have kinky thoughts about marriage.

BUT what is the point of getting married if I don’t have a paying career or a house, even a rental property? No one’s going to marry me and move into my Mom’s basement with me. I am aiming to move out for January or Febuary, and I am aiming to date someone for two years before getting married. So I’m not SO CRAZY yet that I am plotting to be an instant grown up next year. But at 32 going on 33 in April I would like to be MOSTLY grown up. I have a degree! It gets me a bit more respect in the art world, but not that much more money. I have a career! But it doesn’t pay more than 4000 a year on a good year. Maybe 20 000 when I have a grant, but that’s still just eeking out a living now.

Maybe when I become a decently paid copywriter I will know how to sell myself through words to potential wives and be able to buy a house to put them in. THEM. Ha ha, I’m not a mormon, I would have one wife. And maybe or maybe not we could have other girlfriends or lovers, but I’m not picky either way.

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