The Cheese Stands Alone

SOOOOO I order groceries from Instacart ever since I broke my foot last summer, originally because it was the only way I could get my groceries while I had limited mobility, and eventually just because it was the easiest way to get a large volume of food into my house without needing to call a cab to bring it home. ANYWAY I had ordered my groceries last week or whatever and the order was fine you know, it went as planned. I had ordered .2kg of Irish Porter Cheddar which is my favourite cheese. The last thing I pull out of the bag is this fucking 1.2kg HALF A WHEEL of Irish Porter Cheddar. And it’s great cheese, but I can’t eat THAT MUCH in a timely manner before it goes bad. ALSO I didn’t really WANT to spend $92 on cheese.

So Instacart was great and gave me a credit on my order of $92 so I didn’t have to pay for this error. I lowkey felt bad for the delivery guy tho cause I’m sure he got dinged for it, EVEN THO I know it was his responsibility not to upgrade me to a whole kilo more of cheese.

ANYWAY I started trying to give it away on Facebook, and friends sort of offered to take some but no one actually did and I was getting pressed for time. I brought it to the TQFF meeting we had and thank god they took half of it. I ate some more also and had been joking with friends about going to an art event and leaving it on the cheese and cracker table. And then yesterday Andrew Paterson was having this Yay Celebrate kind of fancy get together at Trinity Square Video because he’s getting the Governor General award. So I went and left a very big block of cheese there also, and I think it got eaten although I left before the end of the event so who knows. It was a more manageable chunk by that point.

ANYWAY I was thinking back to my time in the DTES of Vancouver and how there was this ongoing joke about the cheese at this dive bar the Ivanhoe. People would come in and go from table to table trying to sell these wheels of cheese. It was frequent enough to become something of a joke like going to the Ivanhoe for cheese. I’m sure they were stealing it from somewhere and trying to sell it. I don’t know where I would go to sell a wheel of cheese here. Wing Machine? Oh god. I mean it was hard enough to give it all away.

I’ve had a cold the last week or so. It’s been a real drag. It only got super bad on Sunday. And then it was bad Monday but kind of got better but it’s still there. I’ve been upped to 40mg of Vyvanse which has been great for me, more focused and productive. But for a few days I was taking cough medicine and being like “Wow I feel high what the hell?” There was one day I didn’t take my Vyvanse until a few hours after I took the cough medicine because I had to go pick up my prescription. Anyway the Vyvanse kicked in an hour before the cough medicine wore off and I was like “WOW I feel fucked up and high.” And it was like, speedy ecstasy or something high, except without the lovey vibe, just the sweaty high feeling. It was fucking gross. I didn’t take that cough medicine again, it had pseudoephedrine in it and another druggy thing and anyway it was totally interacting with my Vyvanse. Major problems! I guess I can’t take that kind of medication anymore.

The good thing is I realized after almost seven years of sobriety I PREFER being sober. I don’t like mind altering shit like that. Ugh gross. The Vyvanse is treating my ADHD so I don’t get high off it, I just feel normal. But mixed with pseudoephedrine it’s a whole different horrible story.

And that’s what I have to say about cheese and cough medicine.

ALSO I did notice a little bit of a difference in how people treat me last night at this arty event. It was probably the first time I went to an art event since the Whitney news came out, and I dunno I just noticed people had this weird kind of awe. Aw man it sounds snotty. I don’t know how I feel about art star status. I’m just the same person I always was. Ha ha oh god does this mean I’m gonna start listening to Jenny From The Block on repeat and going “YEAH MAN!!!”?

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