After Emotional Distress weekend, I actually had a good day today. Monday was a bit hard too to be honest. But today things felt a little more resolved, and I got to talk to one of my best friends who was very helpful and kind and I love her I’m so glad she’s in my life.
My Macbook Pro is arriving tomorrow! It’s so exciting! I’m stoked! I am currently Carbon Copy Cloning my current Macbook Pro so that once I know it’s all properly transferred I can wipe this one and give it away to someone who wants to refurbish it. At this point it needs a new keyboard AND screen and I don’t want to put the money into it. But someone I’m sure could use it.
I did some creative work that was sorely overdue today. I have a deadline for it coming up soon, and I had some Writer’s Hesitation (plus I was so goddamn busy, then had Distress Weekend). Anyway, I did a good chunk of it tonight, and will work tomorrow in the day, and then on and on until it’s done later this week. I am hoping it will be finished this weekend. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, so I am hoping I have resolved some issues that need addressing. I rewrote the opening scene and it’s way more exciting and creepy.
Yesterday was brutally hot. I got heat exhaustion and had to wear a wet t shirt. Today has cooled down, but I still know I gotta get an air conditioner.
After talking with my friend today I’ve realized I need to specifically reach out to certain people when I am in distress. Mostly people on FB were like “oh, well, interesting, hope you come back to post” when my weekend was really like “Shit I think I might seriously injure and/or kill myself what the hell do I do now and I can’t go to the hospital because my dogs will die without me?” Writing on Facebook is like screaming into the void, with some people kicking you in the face because they think it’s funny. I’m just glad it’s over, it was such a shitty time. And there’s all this work I have to do and I know I can do it but that incident really interrupted my ability to be creative for a couple of days. It’s back now. But shit, I haven’t felt that bad in a long time. And having bipolar means people invalidate my emotional reactions a lot. As in “You don’t have a good reason to be mad at me, it’s because you’re fucking crazy!” So I was relieved that my friend validated them for me today. And really I’m doing pretty good as far as the mood disorder stuff goes, I’m taking my meds, I’m trying to look after myself. I’m mostly getting enough sleep. A long standing issue is not eating properly (as in starving myself too much) so if I can get that under control I think I’ll do even better.
I’ve blocked and deleted some people who I found to be interacting with me in a harmful way, and am going to continue doing that. I’m not gonna let fucking bullies stay on my facebook. If they want to be assholes they can go do it on someone else’s facebook, and that includes liking mean comments on my facebook. And invalidating my emotions. And being general pricks.
Only people who treat me respectfully are allowed in my private social media areas. I think it’s a totally reasonable expectation. And certain family members are just gonna live in a restricted setting from now on.