So I had this great idea a while back that I would actually start enjoying weekends. As in, not doing any creative work during them. Which IN THEORY is a great idea.
And it probably sounds weird as I am someone who does not have a JOB job, as in a traditional 9-5 Monday to Friday Christmas off if you are lucky JOB, but not working on my practice for THREE consecutive days was really weird. Because this past weekend was a long weekend.
So the first couple of days were so so. But the third day, Monday, was HORRIBLE! I got SO SAD and felt so unproductive and like I had no purpose and I wanted to cry for a while. But I didn’t register those feelings until late in the day when it was too late to just get back to writing or coding or drawing or whatever could have pulled me out of the depths.
I’ve actually had this low grade depression for a while. I realize I need to do something about it. My doctors and I have talked about it and never actually get around to changing my meds because I always end up saying “Oh it’s probably situational” because you know I lost both my Grandparents in the last two years, and did a really stressful year of school, and dealt with daily poverty and shit like that. SO I mean it kind of made sense, BUT ALSO this has been going on for two years and enough is enough, I want to feel better. I don’t want to have these breakthrough moments of feeling like garbage.
Anyway, I am seeing the doctors on Thursday and getting my Wellbutrin upped. I am hoping it kicks in soon. In the meantime I am using being creatively productive to try and stave off feeling shitty. I have some friends I can see this week too, so that’s fun.
I have to get a performance ready for next week. That’s a little nerve wracking. I’m hoping my least favourite person doesn’t show up for it!
What else? Ahhhh, tired of being bummed out. But overall okay. I mean, I manage to eat every day. I had a box of popsicles for a while, that was nice. So tired of this heat. Summer can fuck off already. I have no air conditioning, or a fan, and I think the heat is also starting to depress me.
HOWEVER I did get a new couch, and it’s not pleather! 😀 SO when I sit on it and I’m sweaty, I don’t get stuck to it.
I need to get back into Snapchatting. It’s a nice past time.