Using in Dreams and wrapping up my Residency

Well I will be running out of money soon, so I have to start working quick when I get home. I am hoping to stretch out my dollarz until the end of my Berlin holiday, I guess we will see what happens! I am almost done my video! 😀 So awesome! I’m pretty pleased about that. Mum doesn’t have an income at the moment, which is worrying. So basically I am going to have to take over a lot of bills and stuff, if I can. I dunno! Yikes!

I’m feeling more capable in FCP X in terms of effects and making adjustments and so on, so that’s good.

I’m thinking a lot about someone. But I’m hesitant to talk about it! Anyway, there’s that. It could turn out really awesomely, or it could make me kind of sad, but I know I would get over it. It won’t kill me to at least SAY something that I truly feel. It would be good for me, even if nothing comes of it. And to be honest when I HAVE told friends I feel these things for them, it usually brings us closer together even when a romantic relationship doesn’t develop.

I’m going to be finding out about my BIG GRANT when I get home. I had a dream all these traditional aboriginal people didn’t like You Are A Lesbian Vampire and were writing nasty things about it. And I was like “That’s why I didn’t get my grant!!!” I’m really worried about homophobia impacting my arts funding. Anyway, I should find out in the middle of August, which is usually when I find out. This is my third year in a row applying for funding. I am hoping my script is written well enough that they will see it as I intend it. It’s ambitious but I am sure I can do it! And then: Fame and Fortune! 😀 Ha ha ha, it would be kind of amazing if a film about a mentally ill first nations lesbian became famous! Maybe it will find a niche market!

My cousin is moving back home today, he has been to treatment. FINALLY! So I am hoping he stays sober and doesn’t become an asshole again. It’s pretty exciting!

And less than two weeks until I come home. Monday the 23rd at 8 or something I arrive back in Saskatoon. And then I can get back to my life: going to the gym, working on people’s video projects, playing with the dogs, getting together books about lesbian spectatorship, writing an academic paper on lesbian spectatorship in pop culture, looking for people to write reference letters for me for grad school, going to the beach with Shavonne and Friends, drinking alcohol free Becks, picking up needles twice a week.

OMG! I keep having using dreams! I had this one dream I was totally smoking up at my six month anniversary! And then I told my mom, “Don’t worry, I’m only gonna get high for two days” but I knew it was really going to be for a long time! YIPES! My willpower is completely non-existent in my dreams. I even had a dream I choked my friend Nicole Kidman! :O

BUT WAIT! I think I did get my grant in my dream! Oooh la la!

Nicole Kidman is not my friend in Real Life. Real Life kinda sucks!

No it doesn’t! I am in Germany and having space to make a video! And starting Sunday I will have time off to be having my holiday in Berlin! 😀 Summer Holidays! 😀 Grooving out with friends! 😀 Fun fun fun!

I am still trying to find a place to stay in Berlin. It’s a little scary! If I can’t find a place, I do have a private room in a hostel booked (can’t do dorm rooms anymore!), but it will cost me nearly 400 dollars Canadian and I really can’t just spend that much money on housing. That’s practically my rent for a month! So I am checking with SO MANY people. Hoping someone can come up with housing for me. If I had another thousand dollars I wouldn’t care about having to shell out that much money, but my funds are limited. So, eeeeeeeeee! Cross fingers! 😮

My artist in residency is wrapping up. I am starting to be more happy with my video, but I still have some questions around it. I think the voice over is decent enough. Mom was trying to put doubts into my head about it today, which is jerky, but she does that a lot around my career.

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