I’m so pleased to be able to say I have directed this short doc episode in the CBC Gem series “Devout and Out.” It’s a series about Queer Priests and Ministers. My episode is about Susan Beaver and her nomination for Moderator of the United Church of Canada. It was such a pleasure to get to know her as we shot this episode.

I find a lot of people in my circle have triggers around Christianity, which is to be expected from a community/group of people who have been violently colonized by Christian Europeans. I tried to explore some of the tension between being Indigenous and Christian in this episode, and also being Queer. It’s a very complicated situation for a lot of people.

And yet my Grandparents were Anglicans, including my very Plains Cree Grandpa who was an Anglican Minister. And my Auntie Beth is also now an Anglican Priest. And for a time in my 20’s while I was sorting myself out I was also a Christian (although I didn’t talk about it much). So I have a different perception of Indigenous Christians than probably a lot of Indigenous people who really reject Christianity. And there definitely are Indigenous Christians who have found comfort in Christian teachings. And I’m not really going to tell them they are wrong for that because of the bloody history of Christianity. Just as I wouldn’t tell Indigenous Buddhists that they are less Indigenous because they believe in something that isn’t “traditional” spirituality.

But I think Susan talks about all of this way better than I can. So I hope you watch my episode, and the others which are also on Youtube and CBC Gem. The series is “Devout and Out” and I got to work with a great team and I hope we get to work together again!

Happy Easter!

So the doc I made has been released! I’m gonna make a separate post about it cause I want to go back to blabby about personal stuff without being too revealing. I dunno it’s a weird dance.

I DID go on a date, at least it had all the hallmarks of a date, and it was nice and we are gonna see each other again. So my No-Dates stretch is over. I had a few other interesting things happen that I won’t talk about here. BUT I’ll just say that it more than made up for being rejected by two femme tops in three hours a couple weeks ago or whatever. Ha ha omg. You know it’s not even like that was this awful thing that happened to me, I think I was just so surprised that TWO rejections happened in such a short span of time.

I seem to be polyamorous right now, or like solo polya maybe since I don’t have specifically defined relationships at the moment. Just sort of romantic/sexy intrigue with a few people. But the last few years I’ve been so “Rah rah rah I’m gonna be monogamous!” that this turn of events, which could be brief I don’t know, is a bit surprising. I’m going with it! I’m not gonna talk about who these people are here though cause they have their own private lives. I think I’d probably only talk about a partner if we were in a serious long term relationship, and even then it would be neutral stuff like “My wife and I got a new dog today” or something. And who knows, in the future I could wind up in a monogamous relationship, I’m not ruling anything out. I am just sort of exploring sexy dates and cuteness, and playing with folks in mutually rewarding ways.

I had a mostly quiet week this last week. I didn’t do anything majorly exciting. I saw some experimental films. My short doc in Devout and Out got released on CBC Gem. I got some fancy art mail. I dunno, that’s about it. I finally bought a plane ticket to Saskatoon to do some shooting in August. Seems so far away! It’s not really. It’s already nearer to the end of April, and then just May June and July and then I’ll be home. “Home.” I mean it’s not my home anymore. But I will probably always call it home.

I have to do some shooting here in Ontario this spring/summer too, and I’ve been SO SHITTY at planning it. Ideally we would shoot in two days. It’s complicated! I have to get my ass in gear because it’s been due to be finished for a while now. And I’m gonna do it I am!

The performance I did seemed to go well, except for a technical glitch that made the video stop for like, five or ten minutes. Awkward. We finished with the backup file, which didn’t have the best sound mix on it but at least it was something. I’m still going to turn it into a stand alone video.

Here is a photo from it!

The Whitney Biennial is coming up, so soon! It’s weird to be like, featured at the end of the exhibition, when all these people get to have their art scrutinized for months and months! Ha ha omg and my videos that are in it are temporarily down from the internet for contractual reasons. So I’ll be like, down there to party all sober like the teetotaler I am without even being able to point to some art and say “That’s mine!” at the openings. My friends ARE coming down to hang with me tho at the openings which is super exciting, I think we’re gonna be so cute. And I still have a plus one if I want to take a girlfriend but I don’t think any of my romantic/sexy intrigues are in a place where that is possible right now. BUT I will be going back to New York in September and who knows maybe something more serious will have developed by then.

OKAY now I will make a post for the doc episode I directed, “Susan.” Ha ha by the time you read this you will have seen that.

Ha ha omg I swear I’ve titled another blog post with the same title at some point. Ugh. OMG.

ANYWAY. Things are fine. I got interviewed by Canadian Art on Monday so that was nice. I got rejected by two femme tops in the space of three hours on Monday too which was kind of crazy. I think that is the most rejections in three hours I have ever gotten. I guess it’s a good thing though cause it means I am circulating or something. But I still haven’t had one date this year yet. I had like, two in the fall, and like maybe two in the spring and summer last year. But that was LAST year and this year has been mostly nothing.

Someone told me “You’ll get snapped up right away!” but no. I mean not this week I guess. Maybe next week?

I have a performance at CFMDC on Friday that I got ready for yesterday. I finished my sound mix on my video, and I bought my props. I have been answering emails about some other stuff, and only today realized someone we need to run something by for a doc being released soon is on medical leave. So that’s tricky. I have to do a test recording of audio from a phone call with my Auntie sometime this week so I gotta talk to her about that.

I got an email from one of my current employers that they are paying me in the next couple of days and I was like oh thank god. Not like I have no money in my account, I just like keeping it full.

I got over being sad about that Canada Council grant I didn’t get because I heard it’s harder for contemporary artists in the particular Indigenous stream I applied to. So I am not applying to that stream again.

Anyway I wrote another grant for the same project to somewhere else and we’ll see if they fund me. If not I’ll apply for something else I guess.

I have to look at some notes I got on a feature script, and then talk with my producers about next steps.

Ha ha fuck this blog just turns into like, career to do lists. I don’t know if that is helpful.

There’s a Queer Slow Dance this Saturday, so I am looking forward to that. Maybe I can find the next femme who will reject me. Ha ha omg that sounds awful. No I mean the thing is the people who have been rejecting me don’t really know me. So it’s not really awful. Not like getting rejected by someone you let deep into your soul who still didn’t find you lovable. That really sucks and stings. Being rejected by people who don’t know you really at all is fine, it happens.

My Mom was like “OH maybe they are going to your facebook and finding out you want kids and it makes them run away.” And I was like “Well, I’m turning 41, if they don’t want kids someday and it makes them run away maybe they SHOULD run away.” But I mean I really don’t know the reasons.

There was someone who asked me on a date a few weeks ago and then just never got back to me again. I wonder whatever happened to her? Kind of lousy.

ANYWAY I do have some hope on the horizon it’s not all bleak. I’m going to the Whitney Biennial openings next month and a bunch of friends are coming with me. And I am seeing Metric on my birthday. And I am going to Lizzo when I get back from New York. And in June a cute friend is coming to see me. And the Distillers are performing then! And I am doing other work, like I am the camera operator for a video about 2 Spirit concerns geared to Service Providers, and later this month we start the Indigiqueer Video Workshop series so that will be fun. Hopefully we get more applications. Because right now I keep hearing people say they want to apply, but no one has emailed us an application. HURRY UP!

I’m glad spring is here. Winter in Toronto was brutal this year. So many snow storms. So cold! I want to see leaves on the trees again. And wear less clothes.