Hey! I spent Christmas without my family this year, for the first time. Last year Mom came for a couple weeks, but this year I was alone, sort of, not totally, but it was good! I made a lot of food, baked a lot of cookies, made a cherry cake, made a wifesaver, made candied yams, made a cherry pie. Ate a lot of cheese, I kind of had to hold back on the cheese tho cause it was making me super gassy. UGH! BUT it was a great Christmas, Mom sent me a nice present, with my favourite soaps and a nice shirt and some expensive chocolates that are also my favourites, and some rat root in case I get a sore throat. I sent her a fifty dollar bed bath and beyond card, but the bed bath and beyond store in Saskatoon is still not open, almost, but not quite. I hope she can use it online if she wants to spend it soon.
I spent later on Christmas day with some friends eating an amazing fucking turkey dinner, with moist turkey and amazing stuffing and everything was so delicious. And then we watched Batman Returns, the one with Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. I had such a big crush on her in that movie, it was probably the costume. I had a big poster of her over my bed before I came out, I remember overhearing my Mom say “Yeah Thirza has a crush on Catwoman.” And I was like “OMG do I???” Ha ha but yeah, those early celeb crushes were fun.
It was an interesting Christmas because I wasn’t catering to my family or doing a LOT of emotional labour/domestic labour that I am used to with my family. My Grandparents aren’t around anymore, if they were I would probably have gone home somehow. But I often felt unappreciated at Christmas, even tho I was doing a shitload of work like baking, cooking, washing, cleaning, driving, like all the things. ALL THE THINGS! And you know, guy cousins would be over not doing much but playing video games. And that was always really frustrating to me, especially as a feminist. And even tho my gender is fluid, and I do feel pretty male at times, I can’t imagine ever feeling entitled to sit around while women cater to my needs. Yeahhhhh. And there are other more personal reasons why I didn’t really want to go home this year, which I am not gonna talk about here.
And the funny thing is I still did do a whole bunch of cooking, but I think because I was doing it for me and my friends and not because it was expected, it felt better. I felt better. It was just being done because I wanted to contribute, and not because I was expected.
ANYWAY! I also have to get a major job application together this next month, and it’s not just like, update my resume kind of thing, it’s for a tenure track job. I have had bad luck applying for sessional work at this place, but I’m gonna try anyway, because it would be sweet to do something I am totally qualified for and knowledgeable about. Not to mention it pays really fucking well. And it would kind of secure my future here. We just found out the co-op is likely going to remain eligible for rental supplements until 2025, which is a huge relief, but also I wouldn’t mind paying market rent if I could afford it. And I also wouldn’t mind being able to pay off my student loan, if I could afford it. I’m also on a low income support program for Hydro, and although that has been amazing, being off it would be fine, if I could afford it. I’ve just gotten really savvy about being poor and how to do it in this city, but like, not having to worry about that would be great.
I still have my job! Sometimes I have good days, sometimes I have bad days. But on my good days I can raise hundreds of dollars for people, so it feels good and I am happy about that. I’d like some more good days than bad days, it’s kind of random when they happen, and I don’t know what the variables are. One day I didn’t take my ADHD medication, and I was sleepy and feeling super shitty (also because I take my antideps at the same time and missed them also) and I think it translated into my voice and how I was coming across on the phones. I wasn’t as enthusiastic and friendly as I normally am. Anyway, that day was definitely a poor performance day, BUT I figured out how to avoid that again by putting my medication dosette on top of my bag I take everywhere with me, so in the morning I would have to touch it before leaving. Things like that are really helpful.
Having a small income is nice. It’s not super small, it covers my needs anyway, and then I get random fees and stuff on top of that that help me out. But yeah, it’s at least twice as much as welfare was, and it’s really helping me out. My next payday is this Friday, and I am gonna be able to pay rent and my phone bill and probably some other bills with it. And I should get another cheque soon for an arty thing I am doing.
So overall this Christmas was good. Life is pretty good. I’m making money again at a job for the first time in ages and that feels good, even on the bad days. I get to work on an application to teach, which is pretty awesome, even if I don’t get it it will be nice to have had the practice of writing these applications for academic jobs. My friend says that universities are going to be looking for more people with production experience, so that’s hopeful, since I am more of someone with production experience than academic writing experience. It would be nice to combine the two in a class tho, like teach production while looking at Indigenous and queer films. (And Indigenous queer films)
It would be nice to start spending Christmases with my own family in the future, but those people either haven’t met me yet (as in my partner) or possibly don’t exist yet (as in children). So for now, spending Christmas with friends is pretty good. It’s really changed how I view Christmas. I’ve had so many stressed out Christmases, and this was totally not stressful. It was still busy tho. But yeah, I liked it. I hope even when I do have my own family, it continues not being so stressed.