Monthly Archives: September 2017

A Shambles!

Ha ha I try not to write personal things here, especially about relationships, I have failed at that rule sometimes though. My romantic life is a shambles right now, and I’m not seeing anyone but things are weird. But I mean things are always weird for me. I quit my OKC and HER accounts, because HER was tricking me and being a shady app, and OKC was demoralizing because I’ve answered 700 questions and so when I see things people answer in certain ways I’m just turned off and I’m sure it goes both ways. And because I haven’t gotten a date from there since March. I’m still working at this Meeting People Through Life thing, and it’s definitely let me get to know people in a way better way than dating profiles ever could, or wayward first dates where I’m totally awkward and shy and unable to reveal my personality because I’m terrified. Like I think there is definitely some merit towards the Friends First philosophy of dating. It’s just getting beyond that that is hard for me.

It’s been so fucking hot ever since I came back. Boiling! Today it’s finally cooling off, but even my A/C wasn’t cutting it. It was brutal. Last night Little Mister refused to sleep in the bedroom with us because it was so hot (and he’s a longhaired dachshund!!!) so he slept in front of the air conditioner even tho I worried all night that This Was It! The night Little Mister died! He was fine, he just does his own thing. But as he gets older and older when he doesn’t come to bed I get nervous he fell asleep under the couch and died overnight. So every morning that he’s not in bed when I wake up, I worry and call his name and he comes running up wagging his little tail totally happy and ready to kiss me until I get out of bed and feed him. I wish I could guarantee that every morning he’s gonna be there for me.

I’ve been getting used to being back in Canada. It took almost a week to get back into working. I’ve made good progress on a grant, and I applied for another commission. I have to do a budget and I hate those and it’s a large budget and I feel really incompetent about the numbers I am using. I kind of know what I am doing, but also there are probably lots of people who could be doing this better than me. BUT I am good at all the other stuff in doing a production. Just writing budgets is like uhhhhhh! It’s right up there with my film dyslexia. Like which way do you wind it? Once I fucked up winding a super 8 and it was like, backwards AND upside down and I think weird in another way too and I was like “oh lord jesus how did that even happen and how do I fix it?” I did film school, I learned about actual Super 8 and 16mm film, like I am not an idiot, I know enough to load cameras in a black bag. BUT still video is my thing. I know my strengths and weaknesses!

I should bring that up if I ever have a job interview again. “What are your weaknesses?” “I cannot wind a reel of film to save my life!”

OH I KNOW I had my tattoo appointment last week! Tomorrow it will be a week exactly. It made me cry a bit when I finally saw it, I was really touched, and so were some people in my family. It was my memorial tattoo for my dead grandparents, and was an empty canoe with two paddles with a background of the boreal forest behind it. It really really really hurt getting done. It’s on my upper back, so I couldn’t watch it being created, I could only feel it. And it felt like everything sharp digging into me all over that section of my back, which basically it was. I’ve never made such terrible faces before, but they kind of helped. I normally chat with the artist when I’m getting done, but I was like, totally quiet, and she was chatting with another artist and client, so I just listened to them. But she was so fast! I was amazed. It was just over an hour and she was totally done. Like I told her I needed a break, and she literally only gave me two minutes then sprayed me with bactine and went right back in again and finished five minutes later. It was pretty amazing. And while it was getting done I had all those feelings I have sometimes gotten about tattoos, like can I handle this? Am I gonna wimp out? What have I gotten myself into? I can’t quit now or I’ll have a fucked up tattoo! How much longer omg? But I’m glad I got it done. It’s super itchy right now and scabs are peeling off, my least favourite phase of healing. And it’s a terrible location for applying lotion. I’m only supposed to put on lotion if it drives me crazy from itching, but it’s hard to reach and I don’t have a girlfriend to put it on for me!

What’s up? I got addicted to these Reese Big Cups, and then someone suggested I try the Reese Big Cups with Reeses Pieces and now I am going to the store everyday to get some until they run out.

I’m trying to be more direct, open, honest, and caring about my relationships, which are basically all friendships right now. I’ve worked things out with some friends I was worried would be gone for good. I’ve cleared things up. I’m still trying to be more honest about my feelings with people, and it’s starting to get better, but is also still scary for me. I’m seeing my therapist on Friday so I’m looking forward to that.

I’ve gotten a lot of work requests lately, along with this ongoing script writing. It’s pretty interesting. Like I am basically a full time artist now, I’m making some cash, I haven’t been on welfare for a while, and I think I’m busy enough that I legitimately cannot handle having a full time job in addition to being a practicing artist and stuff. There’s still a lot of voluntary work I do in the community, like sitting on the Charles Street Video board and my involvement with TQFF. But it’s been pretty decent, and I’m happy I got to make so much work this last year. I’m really happy that when people ask me my advice for different things related to the art world, I actually have a long list of good answers. It’s nice.

Anyway, that’s what’s up! I am seeing my psychic next week. I have a thing at Nuit Blanche in the Campbell House Museum which Cherish Blood is doing. I have some friends to hang out with and I am getting closer to people because I’m being more accountable and thoughtful (I hope!)! It’s been interesting.

2 Weeks in the Kingdom!

Yesterday I finally got back from my two weeks in the UK! Scotland was fun, but we travelled all over the place and had to get on a train almost everyday and my bags were heavy and I was getting wore out and so was Mom and Auntie Beth. We did eat some glorious food tho, including Sticky Toffee Pudding with custard at this Gun Lodge just outside of Inverness. And I had this fucking amazing Venison steak in Wick which was bloody and delicious and resting on some beets and beet puree. SO GOOD omg! We stayed at this tiny Bnb just outside of Keiss in Northern Scotland and it was totally rural and we needed to ask cabs to come get us and bring us back from Wick and John O’Groats. There were chickens all over the place, and a couple of growing chicks which were pretty cute. I tried haggis there and I was pleasantly surprised and ate all of it, and then had it again the next day. When we went back to Glasgow I tried blood sausage, but I was not as impressed. It had a nice texture, but it just didn’t taste so great.

London tho was without a doubt my favourite place, we went there just Mom and I (Auntie went back to Canada from Glasgow) to spend a week in a YHA hostel off Oxford Street in Soho that was actually a really nice quiet place. I was a little worried about going to a hostel, because I have had some rank experiences in them, mostly in sleeping in the dorms tho. We had a room to ourselves. The bed was not the greatest, BUT it was quiet and safe. They gave us a decent continental breakfast that kept us getting up early so we didn’t have to go forage for food on our own. The first day we went on a hop on hop off bus tour, saw many things. The next day we went to Stonehenge because we checked the weather network and it was supposed to be the one nice day, AND IT WAS! It was windy, but it didn’t rain on us the whole time we were out there. Stonehenge is pretty majestic and humbling, and surrounded by hundreds of burial mounds. They don’t let you go right into it because they need to conserve it obviously, and so many people visit. But the path gets you pretty close, and we listened to the audio guide as we went around. They have found pottery there that is the same kind as found in the Orkney’s, which is interesting because there are standing stones up there too which we have seen. And some stones are from Wales. And anyway, it was a really interesting site to explore.

We went to the Harry Potter Warner Brothers studios the next day. It was pretty fuckin amazing. They had so many of the sets, including Diagon Alley and the Forbidden Forest. They have recently included most of the costumes also. And there were props, animatronic creatures, some mermaid heads, dragons, basalisks, etc. It took a few hours to go through the whole place, and we had their butterbeer which was pretty delicious. I ended up getting some souvenirs like a Hufflepuff Seeker shirt and a Butterbeer glass and some pics of me on a broom. It was awesome! I would recommend anyone go there. It was a little intense that they played the soundtrack everywhere, BUT over 8 movies or whatever the soundtrack has many variations so it wasn’t too bad.

We went to the Tower of London, and I think Mom’s knees took a beating. When you go into the buildings there, you have to keep going because the stairways are too narrow to let two people pass at once. So we went in the White Tower and it was 204 steps, and Mom was like omg. And I checked my iPhone at the end of the day and it said we had gone up and down 34 flights. It was a lot! After that we went on The London Eye and got a view of the city, which was ok, not amazing tho, and Mom hated that because she is afraid of heights, but I really appreciated that she was willing to try it out.

What else did we do? I’m sure I’m forgetting some things. We went on a ghost tour by bus, which happened the day the terror attack happened. Ha ha oh yes we were there during a terror attack. Really it was a failed terror attack because thankfully the bomb didn’t go off the way it was meant to, it was loaded up with nails, but it ended up being a big fireball that gave people flash burns, and the nails didn’t act as shrapnel. What shocked me about being there when that happened was the way the Londoners just went on with life. Like they didn’t cower, or act shocked even, or even talk about it. We spent the day on Oxford Street shopping, because WE were nervous about going on the Tube again. But everyone else just got on with things, going shopping, seeing friends, going to the pub, etc. The police presence really stepped up, we had hardly seen them previously, but suddenly they were everywhere, the stations, the touristy places. We accidentally walked through London Fashion Week where all the models were being photographed, and cops were stationed all over there too. The threat level went up to another attack being imminent, and thankfully we were leaving a couple days later. Our last night we met up with our friend Sheila after going to the Tate and checking out Soul Of A Nation: Art in the Age of Black Power, and some of their free galleries. She took us to a pub, where I had my first non-alc craft beer ever and it was so nice. Then we went to an Indian restaurant that was amazing. Then she left us at Kinky Boots where we had gotten cheap last minute tickets. Kinky Boots was pretty fun.

So anyway, yesterday I came home, and I was fine for a while, but jet lag kicked in and I went to sleep at 8:30pm. I was exhausted. Mom unfortunately went a different way than me, through Calgary, and her plane was delayed a few hours. I think she is currently still asleep.

OH and I finally met my friend Nosh which was awesome and we had a great conversation over brunch, which we waited in a long queue for. So great! 😀

It was really fuckin expensive to be there, and we were having a lot of fun, but overall I have no regrets, it was an amazing experience and while Mom and I saw Scotland before, we have never been to London and wanted to do it for a long time. She was having fun buying things for her relatives, and I mailed a whole whack of postcards back to cousins and friends. I got three shirts, one t shirt of the Lesbian M&M, the Hufflepuff Seeker shirt, and also a cute red button up shirt from M&S with stars on it. And I got some random things like a puffin magnet, and a tartan rucksack, and a really cute hand thrown and painted cup from Stonehenge, and we got a selfie stick but never used it.

I don’t know when we will ever be in a financial position to go on such a trip again. It was really because we both won REVEAL awards that we went. We’d made a deal if we won we would go, so we did. I really liked going somewhere when I didn’t need to do work. No festival to attend, no networking, not anything! Just seeing some sights and eating amazing (and expensive!) food!