The other day this white dude kept talking to someone in a car ahead of us which sat while the light was green. And just when he would start walking away he would come back to the car and open the door to say something else and I got so mad I said “Fucken’ White Privilege!” Because it seems to be white men who take up space and impede traffic while they are going about their lives in the world. And by the time the stupid car ahead of us moved the light changed and we had to wait again. Oh I was so mad!
Sometimes I get really really angry and sweary and it always surprises people. I’m not usually confrontational, I just have a low tolerance for bullshit. Especially men’s bullshit. I think it’s because I am a dyke. I don’t hate men, I just hate misogynist men and that sort of thing. Inappropriate behaviours. I don’t like inappropriate behaviours from anyone though, not just men. But I am never going to try and impress a man in my life, so I feel like I’m less inclined to let crap slide.
I used to have this great angry mix tape when I was a young punk dyke stomping along the Vancouver streets in the late 90’s. It had Red Football on it and Shove and some other great songs to be angry to. I had this plan, and the tape was part of it, that I was going to approach KTel to do a Kubler-Ross type series of getting over a break up mix tapes. There would be the denial album, with songs about one last chance and that sort of thing. Then there would be the angry album, and then the bargaining album, the depression album, and the acceptance album. See, that would have been an awesome set to do, and I know it would have helped millions, or however many people used to buy from KTel anyway. I should really do a break up series of playlists anyway, for future reference. Or just to keep around to burn to cd for friends. Friends having rough times.
I don’t know if I still have one more break up to go through before I find, The One!
I saw this now famous psychic way back in 2007 and a lot of the things she said came true. I found her by googling “psychic police saskatoon” because I wanted a psychic who had worked with the cops before. Not because I have any unsolved crimes I want answers to in my life, but because I thought she would be more accurate. And she was! She doesn’t use crystals or tarot cards or palm reading. She sits down with you and just starts talking. She doesn’t even ask any questions, and already she knows so much! She does telephone readings too. Her rates have gone up. I want to see her again because I feel like I am without direction a bit, but she is now 150 bucks! And before she was 80!
She didn’t tell me about my oncoming manic episode though. She can only tell you what the spirits tell her, and if they don’t want to say anything then she can’t make them, obviously.
Actually there is this one funny thing I saw when I was psychotic the last time. I was laying in bed with all the lights on with my body going through whatever the hell it goes through with that many crazy chemicals going haywire. And I could see my spirit guides. I assume that’s what they were, they just looked like little people kneeling by the bed watching me like I was in the hospital, that’s exactly what it felt like. And they were flickering in and out of view, these white people shaped little blobs, flickering flickering. I have always remembered it and felt kind of comforted by it. I kind of think there is a real spiritual component to going crazy just because you are in a precarious dangerous place when it happens and I think the spirits that look out for you in this life, or all lives, stick very close by.
It’s weird to be “sick in the head” because all anyone sees is you acting out and they don’t see that your dopamine and seratonin and other things are all flooding your neurons. It sucks. Although I do have a cousin who sees auras, and she can tell when a person is actively mentally ill because the part above their head is all different and weird. I forget how she described it. I always thought that was interesting, sometimes I wish other people could see the illness in some way. Other times I am glad it is invisible.
Anyway, at that time I was dating someone and she (my psychic to the stars) foresaw a bad break up (IT WAS! 🙁 ) And then she said I would have another break up and then I would be with the one I would be with for the rest of my life. So I am curious. I had a romantic interest last year with some necking, but I can’t say it was a real relationship so therefore I can’t have had a break up. So Maybe there is still a break up in the future. ??? See, and this is why I want to see my psychic again, so she can tell me if I am going to be with the next one forever, in which case I should be picky! Ha ha!
I think my Mars video could propel me to be famouser. It has all the makings of a classic! I am going to have to do auditions this fall if I get funding. Hope hope hope hope!
By January I hope to be making a spaceship!!!! Fly me to Mars and get me the hell away from all this craziness!