All Alone

It’s been a while since I wrote here. Well, still isolated. Not much has happened. I’ve been keeping on top of my dishes. I did laundry yesterday, I’ve managed to order some groceries, and tomorrow hopefully someone can pick up some groceries for me. I started subscribing to meat delivery from a farm. I haven’t got the first order yet but hopefully it’s not as bad as when I signed up for the good food box and had too much produce. I’m only getting a small delivery every four weeks so hopefully that’s fine.

My date dumped me because we didn’t know when we could see each other because of the pandemic. It’s sad cause I liked her a lot. But I’m trying not to bring my feelings on that into this blog but since I did mention I had an ongoing date I figured I should update you. Single again, and with no one to mingle with because we can’t go on dates in person these days. Some friend of mine told me to go on Tinder and find someone to sext with but god that is kind of a depressing idea right now. I’m aware it might be 18 months before things go back to normal. What a fucking drag.

I’m wondering if a cold I had after Berlin was a mild case of coronavirus. No way to be sure unless they got a test for antibodies. I’m also aware I can’t totally believe that to be true because it might make me slip and think I’m immune when I’m not. Canada has done a crap job at testing people, so when I was concerned and called the healthline they didn’t tell me to get tested. Even people who have symptoms aren’t getting tested. It’s a really bad policy and I know it’s all because of a lack of testing kits. But it’s gonna bite us in the ass.

I finally got a form to apply for subsidy for my co-op but I’m pretty sure I won’t get it, BUT ALSO who knows. I don’t.

I owe a lot in taxes, and will owe more this year. But last year I had things that needed to be written off that they didn’t accept, so actually I should be able to fix last year at least. Or rather, 2018.

I finally have an accountant so I’m glad about that.

I’m trying not to be bored being stuck at home. I cleaned out the boxes in my sun porch, so I can finally chill out out here. It’s nice. People are still trying to play outside.

I bought this toy I’ve been using a lot, so that’s nice. It’s like way better than a regular vibrator that’s for sure. I’m trying to plan meals again. If all goes well I should have all the makings of a shakshuka tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that.

People have been dropping off a few things as I have needed them. Which has been nice. I got toilet paper.

Everyone is baking bread and starting vegetable gardens which is kind of funny/adorable. Human instincts. I mean I haven’t had too much difficulty getting bread in my food orders, but maybe I don’t eat enough bread to discover how low supplies truly are. Also there is apparently still a lot of produce. But there’s definitely a paper to be written about humanity, pandemics, and the urges to hoard toilet paper, learn how to bake bread, and start a vegetable garden. I don’t know if those are exactly survival skills but I guess so? I’m also planning to grow things if my seeds show up. I was gonna grow lettuce and swiss chard and bell peppers. I’m probably not gonna knit all summer though. I don’t usually knit in the summer.

I have a friend who got a concussion a couple months ago and every time we talk on the phone and I complain about being stuck inside they get mad at me because they were stuck inside for months with their concussion. And then I totally forget this the next time they call and we have the exact same conversation again. I wish I didn’t have ADHD it sucks having shit memory.

The funny thing about ADHD is that the things I DO remember are so arbitrary. Like when Instacart brought me veal and I was horrified cause I don’t want to eat a baby animal, I remembered that a friend really likes veal cause she told me so back in 2017 or something. Like literally only one conversation about veal three years ago and I’m still like “Hey do you want this veal?” So weird! But then yeah, I’ll totally forget something else I need to know within five minutes of hearing it. Like my Mom will be giving me instructions and I’ll just space out.

I’m trying to remember all these things for when/if I do have a biologically related kid, so I won’t be hard on them for not being able to do things, or for forgetting I sent them to the store for butter. I want to give them a break.

The dogs are fine. They get walks sometimes, so they are happy about that. People are shitty at social distancing outside tho, but Posey is an aggro dog anyway so she keeps them away. She’s quite enjoying having personal space. And she’s been having fun barking at squirrels and birds and other dogs she sees out the window. Little Mister is getting used to having a little short wander around the courtyard. He’s so sweet. He’s old so not great at going on a long walk, but he really liked the sun and green grass today.

Ehh? What else to report? Things so far are ok. My feelings on being stuck inside change from day to day. Monday was a good day, I felt like I could handle it. Today is a sunny day and I miss going to do things with friends. I’m finishing some Christmas chocolate which is getting a bloom but still tastes fine. I haven’t had a red bull in a long time which is for the best but I miss them. I miss my date a lot but we are still in touch. I’m trying to accept being single for another year. I mean, last year was so good for dates, I mean the whole year until this started and I got dumped. Not the last calendar year. I dated three people in an intimate way and had a lot of first dates. I guess it’s ok if I have to take a break until this pandemic blows over. The good thing is that everyone who isn’t coupled off is sexually frustrated right now, so it’s not just me. Who knows maybe there will be a vaccine sooner than later and I can start a tinder profile again. I don’t know. I’m going to an online play party next week so I’m looking forward to that. I’ll have to bring my gear to the couch. I’m not sure how to have an impact play scene online with only myself and someone bossy but I guess I can learn.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.