Monthly Archives: January 2019


Okay so I updated my wordpress plugins to have Classic Editor installed so anyway, here I am again!

Well anyway, I was on some kind of cleaning kick the last few days. I was trying to do some woo woo stuff and harness lunar eclipse energy to bring a new love into my life. And I read a ritual that was all about like, working on the feng shui of your bedroom to make it more appealing. SO I did think about that but really I just realized my bedroom needed cleaning. It was such a fucking mess. It looked like a storage locker with a bed in it. Anyway piles of clothes got put away, things got washed, it is much better. It’s feeling like a good place to be in. I even put a plant in there and some crystals. And I can take selfies with the mirror and it doesn’t look trashed behind me ha ha.

Anyway yeah. Then I also cleaned my living room. And that took a long time because there were piles of things in each section. And anyway, now it’s better also and I am happy about it. Ha ha although there’s socks and blankets beside me on the couch.

I did old laundry, took out garbage and recycling. I have more recycling to get rid of. And I still have ants which is frustrating.

Anyway, it’s clean now and I feel more open to meeting someone new or getting to know someone better or whatever is gonna happen that brings love in. It’s funny because in the last post I just wrote I was talking about going back to Boxing and being dubious about it, BUT at the same time I know it’s a good place to meet people. I think I am shy because I’d be going on my own for the first time. And I haven’t worked out in so long. BUT YEAH it would be nice to meet someone or even just get out and socialize with people I don’t know while exercising.

Ha ha I just realized I never did do any ritual about love during the eclipse tho, I just cleaned my house and smudged it with sweetgrass. Which is fine and all. But funny.

What else? Ah heck I dunno. There ARE exciting things happening but none of them are public so you are just gonna have to make do with stories of cleaning. And thinking about exercising.

I might lift weights tonight and shadow box at home if I don’t go out. I need to do something but I’m scared because of my foot healing. And it takes months to heal completely. I know it’s BEEN months, like, so long. But I’m still terrified I’ll accidentally do footwork and smash my foot again. I didn’t even hurt it exercising, I was just walking down the stairs to go to the store and I stepped on something I didn’t see.

Anyway yeah.

AHHH ha ha shit. I always feel bad for people who come to this website looking for an official art website. And it IS an official art website. BUT ALSO this is a longstanding art project, this blog thing, and it weirds people out, and it probably looks unprofessional. Ha ha yeah and if I get hits on it from being linked by reputable art sites I’m gonna be like “BLAH BLAH BLAH I cleaned all week because I want a girlfriend” and people would be like whut?

ANyWAY yeah things are good. I’m trying to read more and watch more tv and films. I watched Broad City this morning because I finally signed up for Crave. Now I have Netflix, Crave, and Amazon Prime. I’m all set up! I think the last show I binged watched though was American Gods. I haven’t really gotten into something since then. I need to give more media a chance. It’s embarrassing because it’s literally my medium and I know colleagues always are really devoted to watching stuff even stuff that sucks because they are always learning. And I’m just like, reading memes on Facebook and laughing. ANYWAY yes I am trying. I am trying! I did read all those books at my Mom’s. And I am reading another one right now, Heart Berries. It’s a memoir, I like it so far. It’s the second memoir I’ve read recently and it makes me want to write about my life in a more formal way. Anyway yeah.

One shirt does not fit

So I have been ordering button up shirts to update my wardrobe to a fancier place, where I can look good without wearing the same red shirt over and over. ANYWAY so far they all fit except the one I am wearing today. And it’s not my tits that are causing trouble, it’s my stomach, it’s just belt popping button gaping BIG! ARG!

It probably sounds dumb to want to exercise so I can lose weight and fit this ONE shirt. But I still DO want to lose weight and fit this shirt. I don’t know why it’s so hard to just BUY a new shirt. Ha ha anyway, I could only exercise tonight if I do go to boxing, because the rest of the week things are happening or I am out of town. I dunno. I had some food, I might still have the energy at 6 to work out. It would be the first time going since I broke my foot, months ago, and I am nervous about that. I’d probably skip the footwork.

What else? Little Mister is okay, but we are going to the ophthalmologist on Thursday morning to get his eyes looked at and find out what is going on. Most of his tests came back perfectly normal, no diabetes, no addison’s. He had higher cortisol so it still COULD be cushings but also he’s fine otherwise. He might be going blind in one eye though. And there could be many reasons for that, including brain stuff. So he’s gonna get checked out.

FUCK I hate this new text editor on WordPress. It puts something over top of my writing that makes it difficult to read and type. I need to find the plug in to make it go away.

Endocrine Diseases

So I’m back in Toronto. I had to do work days when I got back, and then I had to go to the dentist yesterday, and today was the vet. The vet visit is not quite done, she took blood and urine samples because she suspects he has an endocrine disease like diabetes, cushings, thyroid disease, or even kidney disease. I’m hoping its something that is manageable and treatable. He’s still a bouncy happy kind of guy, wags his tail a lot. I know he’s not suffering but I’m still feeling I’ll be saying a goodbye this year. I love him so much and he’s been a constant companion since I was 28. That’s a long time. Like 12 years with him, he’s 13 now. He’s seen me through some rough times and helped me survive. So whatever happens I want him to keep his dignity and be properly cared for.

He was so scared at the vet’s office today. He was shaking and panting. Awww my poor boy. He’s fine now that he’s home. Having a snooze, which is what I should do too because I feel so tired. I gave him some wet food when we got home so he could have a treat.

He’s over 18 pounds now! That’s so big! I thought maybe he was losing weight because he’s been on a diet the last month. But it could also be weight gain related to one of these diseases.

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about him right now. They are gonna call me later with results and next steps. I should have a nap so I can listen properly.

Work and Shirts and Life

I’m trying to get caught up on my work again. I owe two people video files, and they are being sent as I type. I am chatting with someone about making a video and I have some other video work coming my way, not to mention two videos I have grants to finish. One has a final report coming up soon, so I gotta ask for a five month extension. I’m trying to keep up with emails. I also ordered some really nice clothes from the UK and I am waiting for them to show up but the tracking ended at “Your parcel is leaving the UK” and when I try to continue tracking in Canada, Canada Post has no idea where it is.

I’m updating my wardrobe right now. I have a package of NICE SHIRTS waiting for me at my post office back home. I had to call for them to hang on to them for longer. I’m not going home until Friday, and then I go straight to a work thing so I can’t pick them up until Sunday. My dog is showing some worrying symptoms so he has a vet appointment in a week after we come home. I’m really missing home and I feel like my whole life is there now and I want to go back.

But yeah I am trying to dress better. I don’t know, I just feel like maybe 40 is too old to wear a t-shirt everyday of my life. Plus who knows I might get famous and I don’t want to wear the same wardrobe as fucking Mark Zuckerberg. Like yes I like bunnyhugs but also oh man don’t let that become my signature.

What else is up with me? I love my work. I am pretty happy with my life. I feel fortunate most of the time. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I’m pleased with that. I feel self conscious sometimes of my success around people who are struggling. BUT ALSO there were many many many years where I was mostly struggling too and wasting my time in call centres because I couldn’t make a living in my field. So in a way I don’t feel so bad. I definitely paid my dues.

I guess mostly I am trying to just concentrate on doing the things that make me happy, like being involved with TQFF, and making my films, and writing here and there, and knitting new things, and reading good books, and all sorts of little random hobbies and routines that make me pretty content. I waver between wanting to run out and find a girlfriend and also just being happy being single right now and doing my own thing. I feel like being happy with myself and my life is really the important thing right now.

My Invisalign treatment is going awesome. I’m going to tray ten this Sunday after I get home. It’s made a big difference already. Sometimes my teeth hurt when I am chewing on things. But mostly it’s been fine, and I’m glad my mouth is changing.

New Clothes! Straight teeth! So exciting! And work is great, I’ll always be into it. I’m glad I’ve had something to work towards for 24 years.