So I’m back from Queer City Cinema in Regina where I performed “Love Is The Only Socially Acceptable Psychosis” for the first time. I tried to put some pics on social media but obviously I had to censor them because fb and instagram hate nipples. ANYWAY here are a couple of photos of my performance:
Also this one:
I think it went well, I didn’t cut myself anyway which is what I secretly worried about. I had a giant knife I got from a witch store and it’s massively pointy and super sharp. And it didn’t cut me, so that was nice. The red candle did start burning me tho so I switched to my other action of putting oil and turmeric on myself. But then that ended and I went back to the candle. And the whole time audio of me reading parts of my diaries was playing, like the parts about love and chances not taken and rejections and hopeful relationships and failed relationships, all that stuff. It’s interesting to hear the readers digest version of your love life while doing basically some BDSM stuff. Anyway yeah it was good! And I got a positive response. I will be performing it again on October 3rd at 7a*11d here in Toronto.
I also did workshops, and had a retrospective. Sitting through the retrospective was bizarre cause it was like some funny stuff and sex stuff and trauma stuff and basically all the things that consumed my thoughts in my teen and adult years. I had a good audience for that too, which was nice.
And I got to see all my old Saskie friends.
It was really wearing on me though, just all the stuff I had to do, I was there a long time, it was really busy. I got home today and finally rested, literally just vegged out on the couch listening to tunes and eating a giant burrito.
My depression has faded away. My personal problems HAVEN’T though, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to deal with them better now that I don’t have pregnancy hormones in my body wreaking havoc on my psyche. It’s something anyway. I painted my nails tonight for the first time in months. It was a good sign I think. I need to find a ride to go get my puppies and I’m worried about that right now. It’s stressful. I really need them back here so I can feel complete, my family is broken right now without them. And Little Mister is getting so old and I don’t want him to die without me. I really love him so much and I think he might need to go to the vet soon to deal with his senior dog issues. And I have money right now to take him.
There’s a mouse in the house. I’m super tired. I had to wear my retainer in my hood piercing since just before the egg retrieval, and let me tell you it did NOT make masturbating fun. Like man that stuff scratches. ANYWAY tonight I got my regular jewelry back in and I’m a happier person. I also ran out of cabergoline while I was away, so I need to go tomorrow and pick more up. I am using up my prescription because it gives insanely good orgasms, and I’m no chump I’m not gonna pass that up.
Anyway I’m super exhausted. I just thought you might like to read something more updated and not about how depressed I was. I need to go make my bed now and get in it and sleeeeeeeeep.