I’m doing better

Ha ha anyway so after my shitty day and distressed post the other day, I feel like I should return here and let you know I’m doing better and thank you for the support.

I feel like a bunch of things have happened, but not really. I got paid so I paid most of my outstanding bills today, which was a relief. I just owe some on my phone bill now. I went to a screening of work by Wrik Mead last night at OCAD with my friend Riki, which was fun. He does experimental queer film so it was great seeing that. Some of the bloody stuff, in particular sewing a patch onto someone’s arm, is hard to watch though. I have such a weird relationship to bloodplay and play piercing. Like when I have done the piercing stuff it’s kind of fun, but I HATE watching it! Like at sexy lesbian shows in Vancouver I would always cringe when some leatherdykes would start doing a play piercing performance. And so seeing it done with a sewing needle WAS EVEN WORSE! In my mind I’m like “OMFG that is such a blunt needle relatively speaking!” Ha ha even tho it was a good film.

I wonder what that is about, that I could do something (not with a sewing needle tho) but still have a hard time watching it?

Anyway! The dogs are doing good. I wasn’t able to take them on our usual walk yesterday because I had a really bad day in terms of energy. My sleep the night before was shitty because I had a lot on my mind. I was worried I was starting to get Vyvanse related insomnia, but then last night I had a great sleep. So I think the Vyvanse thing is still ok! But today is a good energy day so I walked the pups and they had fun, Posey sniffed a lot of things. Little Mister just likes to march along and not pause on his walks except to pee and poo, but Posey wants to know everything that is going on and investigate things with her nose. I think it’s because Little Mister had a strict puppyhood as a show dog, and Posey has had shitty training so far so she still does what she wants. Although I do like that she wants to explore, I think it’s important for her.

Anyway, back to the Vyvanse. This coming Tuesday will be two weeks on it. It’s been pretty awesome, I do notice I am more sensitive to coffee though, so I might cut back. And on caffeine in general. :/ But I love the beverages that are usually caffeinated. I’m still appreciating the benefits of better focus and reading and stuff. I haven’t read a book in a while (I feel shameful about this!) but I have a bunch that I’ve been meaning to get to so I think I might try again. My focus always used to wander away, or I would prioritize short form blogging like Facebook posts over actually sustaining reading for a novel. I think most of my recent reading has been friends books because they have been shorter and/or also because they are my friends so of course I am interested in what they’ve worked on.

My strict rules about Facebook usage fell out the window when my daily work tasks temporarily dried up. So I’ve been wasting time on there again during work hours. I think I’m going to try going back to it, the rules I mean. It’s hard. What a terrible addiction. The part that frustrates me is knowing how tenuous and ephemeral Facebooking is. Eventually that site is gonna die, or someone will get mad at me and get my account deleted, or something like all their servers will get taken out. And all those years will be for naught. I can’t keep my Facebook posts. I can’t download and import them to a different platform. I know Zuckerberg wants to make Facebook the internet, but shit, I don’t think it’s going to be a forever thing. And maybe that is a good thing.

Internet.

Ha ha anyway. I had a cute date, that was nice! Ha ha but I’m not talking about it here so never you mind.

Ahh and you know, there’s background stuff going on I can’t mention here. But that’s ok. It’s fine. I only won a donut this year so far on Roll Up The Rim. My goal is a coffee. I know there’s fancy prizes too, but I also know the odds! I haven’t bought a lottery ticket in a while. I’m not as excited by them. And anyway, I have to work on another grant soon.

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