Arg. Argle Bargle. I had the shittiest day yesterday which involved two people saying I have a terrible blog and say too much about everyone and it’s ruining everybody’s lives and it’s probably the reason I am single. Which is SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING because from day 1 this blog has been just about my life and what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder. Like, there are people I have interactions with, and sometimes I mention those interactions because that’s what being a fucking human being is about. Like it’s mostly “I had fun doing this thing with these people.” It’s not like I’m all “So and so has a communicable disease” or “Blah Blah person embezzled 30,000 from their work and took me out to dinner with it!”
Anyway. I don’t know why everyone hates this blog. It’s not like they have to read it. It’s not like it’s widely read. Most of the hits I get on this site are from people reading one entry I wrote with Labia in the title. Most other recent readers are just friends from my Facebook page who would read this anyway in some smaller format on my Facebook. And the rest are hackers from the Ukraine who are trying to hack this to get practice for their next big hack. OH and some bot in Portugal.
The funny thing is even before I made this blog, people were still paranoid of me because I make really personal films.
Fuck me for making such personal work. But think about it, what artists DON’T make personal work? Why do relatives and such keep trying to censor me by making me feel awful for having a long running ongoing arty writing project? Shit happens. Sometimes shit happens to me and I write about it. Sometimes good things happen and I write about it. And fuck, I have been trying so hard to make this blog just about me and sometimes I worry I come across as being so selfish and myopic and it’s because EVERYONE HATES THIS BLOG~! And I have to keep it to being just about myself. And that’s what it is. And I have an actual diary I write in, and that’s where all the dirt is, but I don’t publish it because it’s mostly about crushes or specific people who did something untoward or some aspiration I would rather keep to myself, or things I am emotionally working through that I don’t want people to shit on.
Anyway, fine I will be single forever because of a huge long blog that’s going to be a book at some point. I guess that’s my lot in life. It’s too late to stop doing this. I’ve been writing for 13 years and I don’t want to stop. That’s practically a third of my life. I’ve been making personal videos for 22 years too and it’s too late to stop that. I would rather be a single artist than a muzzled married person.