Day 1: A New Hope

Today I saw my G.P. and got a prescription for 20mg of Vyvanse. She also sent me for an ecg just in case my heart has troubles with this med, so they know what it is like when I haven’t got stimulants in my body. So I did that, dropped off a form, got some cinnamon hearts, and filled my prescription. It’s been an interesting day.

I didn’t want to have a busy day trying to do important things when I’m just starting this med. So I had a laid back day of reading about ADHD and Vyvanse, Facebooking, walking pups, and repeatedly calling my Mom (which to be honest is something I do everyday, I like talking to Mom). And I’ve been evaluating myself all day. Am I speedy? Am I “high”? Apparently I am technically high, but I actually don’t feel like, wildly euphoric or anything. I wasn’t super hungry (but I did get hungry enough to eat something), no headaches (but a couple times there was a shadow of a headache for seconds that passed), and things actually feel slower. Like in kind of a good way though. I also noticed that I don’t drift away on this. Like, I can read a page and remember what was written, I don’t have to go back and re-read a paragraph or sentence. And when having a conversation with someone I can focus on what they are saying and not forget it or start day dreaming.

It’s kind of amazing. I honestly did not realize how normally impaired I am by my ADHD until now. How did I do school? How did I do GRAD SCHOOL???? Does this mean I can finally actually go to a conference and pay attention to more than one panel? I used to HATE conferences because my attention span was so fucked. But I didn’t realize it was my ADHD. I’m just on a starting dose for the next month, but they are going to increase it after that. My doctor made me sign a contract about not sharing or selling my meds, not photocopying my prescription and filling it at different pharmacies (I can only fill it at my regular pharmacy), and if I lose my prescription my doctor and I have to file a police report. SERIOUS STUFF!

So this is a long acting stimulant, and it’s late in the evening and I can feel it not working as well now, which is fine because it’s almost bedtime. But it’s been really interesting to see the difference. I think I will have an alright time getting to sleep tonight. Mostly I’m worried about three side effects: Insomnia, loss of appetite, and mood changes. My pharmacist said if I start behaving differently I should go back to my doctor. So I’m gonna keep checking in. The trouble with going mad is it all seems reasonable when it’s happening. Like yeah it’s epic and crazy, but it makes sense to ME but not anyone else.

I actually didn’t clean today, and I meant to. It’s fine, the floor was washed just the other day and I did laundry yesterday and there’s only a few dirty dishes. But maybe tomorrow I will clean more. I mean at all.

So this is day one, what’s going to happen in a week? In a month? Or even just tomorrow?

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