I got a Collective Tarot reading about how I can improve my chances of actually getting a love life again. And it was really helpful, talked about how my mind is all over being frustrated with being single for so long and having all these unrequited things, and how I needed to do some self care and like, let go of things. And the advice for that was to cut my nails and hair in a symbolic change/letting go thing. And there was some more, like I got the Death card and it was about something which is already dying in my life and making room for new things. And I thought about that and how I am trying to disengage from Facebook and that maybe that is what needs to change to get me in a better frame of mind and good mental health and getting a real life instead of this fake shit on FB. And it mentioned in another card about rebirth, and another one about being a top of myself and setting boundaries. And another was about liberating myself from the old, and my friend Marty who was one of the people reading them for me said I should think about what it would be like to NOT love people who don’t love me back. And it ended with the Five of Keys which is about forest fires and how all this passion can burn everything up but it’s also regenerative and new things grow from that. OH YES and also not isolating anymore and being more involved in my community and engaging with people. And people see me as someone in a chariot on my way to a bright future and want to get in the chariot with me.
So it was a good thing to think about. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I’m glad I have a therapist. There’s a lot of dark stuff in my brain these days, especially as I discover how unhappy things like Facebook have made me. I know I could do a lot better with way less of that in my life. I got on there today (at 5! Yay me!) and within three hours I had already offended someone for not including a scenario in a status when I was really just talking about myself. And then I went out (and had no Facebook since I took the app off my phone) and since then more people have suggested other scenarios I did not include and that is just so awful of me.
So I’m pretty sick of it. It seems like it’s just a place to offend people and deal with people picking fights, and it’s a really negative thing I’m not interested in anymore. Facebook used to be fun, but not anymore.
Anyway, I am thinking tomorrow I am going to stay off it all day. I read my horoscope (I know! Ha ha!) and it said I had to be careful of what I said and that things could be taken the wrong way tomorrow (actually today it’s early in the morning). So I am thinking of avoiding FB altogether tomorrow.
I just don’t want it in my life anymore. The only two things keeping me on are talking to Deanna, and people getting in touch with me for work. But I really need to think of another way to engage with it, or not. If tomorrow goes well and I can keep off FB all day, I might assess how it makes me feel and try again on Friday with another total day off it. And go back on Saturday.
I’ve seen many friends try to get off FB, and they all come back. Which is why I don’t want to deactivate or delete. But fuckkkkkkk this cannot continue.
Anyway, ALSO if I get off of FB (or mostly disengage at least) maybe I will be more motivated to go out into my community and meet new people and do things in the real world. Where I would have a better chance of meeting smart cuties.