Fisting is back on the menu and still no one cares!

It’s been over ten days since my surgery! I can have penetrative sex again! Roll out the dildos!

Ha ha, but still there’s no prospects, so whatever.

My healing went well, it’s been 3 days at least with no more oxycodone. And it’s been fine, better even. I was getting so constipated and unhappy on that medication, and it was painful and distressing, so now things are back to normal. Some of my incisions are still a little tender. But not bad. I don’t have any pain really. I visited a piercing place the other day and got my hood piercing put back in, so that was nice, because the retainer was irritating me. I’m able to clean on my own and have baths and carry Little Mister up and down the stairs and take out my own garbage, and tomorrow I am gonna do some laundry on my own.

There was one day I felt a few sharp pains from my ovary, and I wasn’t sure if it was ovulating or doing something related to healing. I was getting pains from that cyst almost every day near the end, so it’s been really nice NOT having cyst related pains. But the ovarian pain was a little odd, because it happened in the middle of my healing. But I do usually feel when I ovulate, so that really could be what it was.

I’m waiting to hear about some stuff, so that’s a little bit exciting. I am going to be getting some funding news in the next couple of months, which is something to look forward to. I also am still eligible to apply for another OAC grant, so I think I may do that next year.

The dogs are okay. Little Mister started coughing again today though, which SUCKS Because he might need MORE expensive antibiotics. I’m going to call the vet tomorrow and inquire. He’s mostly a happy guy, but I’ll be damned if something as ridiculous as kennel cough takes him from me. He’s like, a healthy little boy, who still has some years in him.

On the love front, well fuck. I’m back in an unrequited situation and it SUCKS and I am so tired of this happening and I have to figure out how to deal with these feelings on my own. Especially since I like being friends with this woman and don’t want my ridiculous feelings to interfere with a good friendship. And I already KNOW it’s not gonna happen. Like, at all, ever ever. So I guess my strategy is just to keep getting out there and meeting women and hopefully someday I’ll have a date again. I got off dating websites and apps because they were humiliating and no one would ever message me back. And sometimes people messaged me and I wouldn’t message them back either because I wasn’t into it. Anyway, I decided online dating was the worst possible thing for me. I can make a bunch of short videos that people seem to appreciate, I can talk in front of hundreds of people about personal work, I can run a blog for twelve consecutive years that has some kind of audience, but for whatever reason I can’t catch a date on OKCupid or Tinder. I must be really unphotogenic or something. Or maybe they are all racist. Or maybe I just come across as awkward. Ugh. And I AM awkward. And I don’t make great first impressions because I am super shy/introverted. Especially in group situations where I don’t know most of the people.

I can talk in front of university classes though.

So weird. I probably overshare on OKC or something. I just want potential dates to be informed so I don’t find out some one has a hatred for whatever thing about me I have no control over like race or mental health status.

BUT I did make a committment to myself that I was going to meet people in person from going to places. Like meet them just living my life out in the world. And I did have like, four crushes this past year. On women I met in real life. They didn’t GO anywhere, but still! That’s something. A crush for every season!

But healing from surgery has kept me from meeting anyone, except the butch lady at the hardware store who winked at me when I bought my Christmas lights. She wasn’t as interested when I bought my mop a few days later tho.

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