Monthly Archives: August 2016

Adjacent Bed Bugs

I’ve only ever been in hotel rooms with bed bugs twice before, and I never got bites. But then I found out 60% of the population doesn’t react to bed bugs, so I would never know. Because I stayed in the same room as my Mom and she got bit up a lot!

Anyway, I have to go on a search of my crevices and see if I can find any, because I was helpfully told today by a neighbour that she has bedbugs. I am a floor up and a unit over from her suite (I think) but that doesn’t matter because we share the stairwell walls and anyway, I gotta fix up my place with diatomaceous earth in case the little fuckers scatter when she sprays in there.

Oddly enough my Mom told me today that my other cousin’s stuff she had been keeping in the garage was FILLED with bedbug carcasses when my OTHER cousin went to check it out for some laundry to wash for him.

So neither of us has bed bugs yet, just the looming threat. (Her garage is not attached) I’m hoping I get paid tomorrow so I can go to the hardware store and buy this magic dirt that someone told me makes them explode.

Someone told me to vacuum a lot, but I don’t have a vacuum. So that’s out. I’m not buying a second hand one either. But maybe some artist fee will give me enough to finally buy a vacuum. Another person told me to get a cover for my mattress, which is also a REALLY good idea.

Ahhh geez but also it is still summer, and hot in Toronto, and my windows and back porch door are almost always open. So bed bugs could totally break in and fuck me up still. I mean, if they decided to go outside, move over, and come back in. I am just gonna do my best. I’m lucky I live somewhere that’s on top of it, because they promised to spray anyone’s unit that needs it.

Anyway, tomorrow I’m going to a Town Hall for Pride Toronto because I support Black Lives Matter Toronto and want to bear witness, and I really hope I don’t tear out my hair. The day after is bowling for someone’s birthday, and the day after THAT is a movie with my friend Juli from Berlin! I am trying to see if anyone wants to go with me to the CNE because I can get in free with an escort because I have a disability and am on social right now. Mostly I want to eat crappy midway food, but maybe some not horrible turning upside down rides could be fun too! NO ZIPPER! Gravitron, ferris wheel, The Scrambler and similar are all ok tho! I actually don’t know what rides are at the CNE, I’ve never been. I don’t want to be catapulted into the air either! Ha ha just no fun for anyone! AND ALSO that horrible thing with the swings that goes high in the air and turns, NO WAY!

Ha ha of course I would be willing to stand and stuff my face while watching my friends scream and puke from a distance. Everything is beautiful from a distance.

(PS for anyone worried the above image is faked)

Technical Difficulties Plz Standby

So this website is still giving me issues. I may have fixed something tho, I don’t know if it will help. Maybe. It kept saying I had to update even though it was all updated, so I renamed the maintenance file maintenanceold and for whatever reason it worked. Thanks WordPress support.

So what is up with me? Well, my video game is a LOT more advanced and working as it should, I just might add some more assets and MAYBE another scene, besides the title beginning and end scenes I have to make. So I am thinking about it. I also need to do some thinking about music and sound effects, since I now know how to add them in Unity. So that’s kind of cool. I have until October, but the sooner I finish the better really.

I went to therapy today and ran through the rough list of things I had on my mind. Overall I think my progress in meeting personal goals is going well. I’m trying to stretch myself more emotionally though, for a few reasons. One is that I have noticed I keep my feelings pretty close to my chest, which isn’t very good for forming relationships or even friendships. So I am going to try and be more open about my feelings with friends. Another thing is I have not properly dealt with my grief around my Grandpa dying this spring, and also I think I probably stuffed deep down my feelings about my Grandma dying when I was doing my Masters in 2014. So I am going to try doing some simple things like writing letters as if they are being written to Grandpa, and lighting a candle at a certain time of the week and just thinking about them. I also think it is time for me to put up the pictures I have of them. I feel like I haven’t properly cried about it, and when the grief does hit me it’s at times when I am woefully unprepared or unable to deal with it. I know that’s just a thing that happens with grief, it goes on it’s own schedule. But if I could set aside at least some time to really think about them, it would help.

I hate that this laptop is so warm on a warm night when I want to cool down! FUCK!

There’s a case going on in Saskatchewan right now where a white settler farmer shot an Indigenous man who was in a car of other Indigenous people on the farmer’s property trying to get help for a flat tire. The man, Colten Boushie, was shot in the head and died despite not being any kind of a threat. It’s a very sad case, and there’s been a lot of racist hatred spewing out of people online in Saskatchewan. And for those of us who are Indigenous and live or lived in Saskatchewan, while it is shocking to see how cavalierly people advocate for our murders, it’s also not entirely surprising. It’s really getting me down, and being so far away I feel pretty helpless about the whole situation. As more facts trickle out, it gets sadder and sadder. I recently heard from someone who was at the rally in North Battleford and talked to his brother, that Colten was on a date with his girlfriend when he was murdered. The way the RCMP and the media tried to spin the story was that the Indigenous people were there to steal things, when it was a flat tire that made them seek help. In fact, a couple days later an article came out about a white settler farmer who was caught with stolen property from other farmers. So it was all misplaced hatred at an easy target, Native people. I hate it. I’m glad I left Saskatchewan but at the same time it’s where I grew up and I feel pretty angry that there were so few options for me to stay there and make a life. My reserve is in Saskatchewan, my traditional lands are in Southern Saskatchewan, even though people scorn the landscape, it’s something I feel a real connection to.

I can’t live in Saskatchewan for two big reasons, one is that there’s no film industry there anymore, and while some people think I’m gonna just make experimental shorts my whole life, that’s not actually my plan, as nice as experimental shorts are. And for another reason, the people who are doing the hiring are just as racist as any other Saskatchewan resident, which means there’s a big problem with my people not being employed even when we are trained and educated. My Mom couldn’t even get a full time teaching job with the University of Saskatchewan art department because people there were so racist. It’s not fair and that’s just the way it is. It’s gonna take some serious deprogramming for people to accept Indigenous workers.

I don’t really know if racist hiring practices are at work in Toronto too, but I haven’t gotten an interview, so who knows. At the same time, I am still trying to be a full time filmmaker and do my own projects, and I have a tentative plan for the next year to survive, it’s just very dependent on funding bodies. So nervewracking. I have an important meeting next week to talk about some things relating to a major project I have been working on, so I am hoping it goes amazingly.

Anyway, I really hope this website finally smartens up. Maybe that maintenance file was the last problem. Maybe things are resolved now.

Faster? I’m not sure!

I did some more work on this website, trying to get it to load faster. 12 seconds from New York apparently! Which isn’t GREAT but was a lot better than before. I deleted a couple of plug ins that weren’t being used. I may delete my Google Analytics plugin too because I don’t think I’m really utilizing it.

Either that or change my theme. I need to do more research on optimizing this website.

Berlin was great! Had an awesome time, hung out with some cool people, briefly considered moving there.

I dunno, I often have these flights of fancy of moving to Berlin, but I don’t think I could do it. My prescriptions are paid for here because I’m status, and health care is generally free, and my family is here. It’s just that Berlin is so queer and sexy. But also I would miss the NDN’s here, and feel awkward with the NDN fetishists in Germany.

I’m SO tired! My flight back was problematic, because I got stuck in Newark for a while, until the last plane out of there, and saw so many headlines about fucked up stuff Trump was saying and doing on the tv. And the computer systems at Customs crashed twice, for about 20 minutes each time. Imagine a line up of hundreds of people waiting and connecting flights hanging in the balance. My connecting flight got cancelled because a lot of us were stuck there. BUT THEN when I finally got on a standby flight later, they bumped me up to first class! It was amazing! It was only an hour long flight but we got meals! And two drinks! And hot wet towels for our hands! It kept me from crying because by the time I was in bed it was 24 hours since I had woken up in Berlin and started heading home.

Yesterday we got the dogs. They were happy babies. Posey is sleeping next to me right now, and Little Mister is on the floor. There’s a heatwave here, it’s awful. I spray them down from time to time to cool them off, but Posey thinks it’s some kind of cruel punishment so she runs away. She’s always been very suspicious. When I was trying to teach her to sit when she was a baby I would push down on her bum, and she got so weirded out she ran away and gave me a weirded out look like I was a pervert. Bum toucher!

Anyway, it’s the third night back from Berlin and I am still REALLY tired. I guess they call this jet lag! I normally am not so tired at this hour, I stay up a while longer, but I think I gotta sleep now.


Okay so I had better do the plug for my screening tomorrow at Xart Splitta:
I have a screening tomorrow (August 8th) at Xart Splitta here in Berlin, Hasenheide 73, 10967 Berlin, Germany. It will be at 7pm and I am doing a Q and A afterwards. I’m showing some of my favourite videos, so if you are in Berlin please come!

Okay and back to regular scheduled programming. Ha ha nothing about my life is scheduled.

I have been in Berlin! It’s been super fun! I spent time with old friends and led a workshop and saw some videos and met some new people. I had issues with internet at the last place I stayed but so far this place is pretty good. I’ve been very poor, so I am being careful with my money. I haven’t really bought anything like souvenirs or anything like that. But tomorrow I am trying to get some headphones, because the short in mine is just killing them. Only one earbud works now, and the mic and controls are GONE. So oh well.

I’m missing my doggy companions something terrible. They aren’t perfect but they are mine and they give me love and I miss their fuzzy faces! BUT I will see them on Thursday when we go to pick them up, so it’s not so far away. And Little Mister got a haircut from his sitter, so he looks cute apparently.

I am trying to get to the bottom of why this website is so slow. There were about 10 updates that needed to be done, so they HAVE been done and I hope that resolves the issue with this site not loading very fast. I apologize to my regular visitors if this site has been an asshole to you. No one deserves to visit an asshole website. Hopefully these updates have fixed the problem, but if not then at least know I am aware there is a problem and am working on it, although being in Berlin I only have internet access when I am chilling at this place.

Oh by the way, I got a ticket out here on United Airlines (through Air Canada) and they not only have overseas inflight internet, THEY ALSO take visa debit cards, which is SO convenient! Ha ha there’s my plug for United. Seriously though it was a good flight experience, and there was a lot of leg room in economy. It was so much better than American Airlines.

This trip has been mostly visiting old friends when I am not doing the arty festival stuff. It’s been really nice. Tomorrow I have some free time in the day so I am going to try and see a memorial for disabled people killed by the Nazi’s. It’s supposed to be very powerful, and accessible, and I don’t think it was here the last time I was here. Mentally and physically disabled people were some of the first people to be killed by the Nazis, but this was the last memorial that was built for victims.

I went to a park with my friend on my first day here and it turned out to be the drug marketplace, which neither of us knew, but everyone was trying to sell us drugs and it was very awkward and then when we sat down for a while someone came up to us looking to buy drugs. Kind of funny! Someone else told me they saw someone famous at an AA meeting here, so I might go to an AA meeting, but then if I see someone famous I can’t tell anyone because they are anonymous. The Anonymous Famous Alcoholic.

I used to have this babysitter who was going to AA, and she would totally go then come back and tell us AA gossip because she was just like that. OMG.

In other interesting virtual things that have happened to me, the voice of Siri is now following me on Instagram. Hopefully she likes my selfies and wiener dog pictures!

Wednesday I am going home! SO SOON! But there is still time to see some cool stuff, so that’s awesome. No romance has blossomed here but that’s okay because I wasn’t expecting anything.