Well the last week was INTENSE! I presented my screenplay that I wrote at Ryerson (currently titled Evil Fire) at the Female Eye Film Festival and although people kept thinking it was a comedy (probably because I am a bit goofy when I talk I guess?) it got a lot of interest and I won Best Low Budget Screenplay! I also showed my short 2 Spirit Introductory Special $19.99. Which went awesomely. Such a whirlwind of events and I didn’t have time to do my laundry until yesterday when it was all over. Things got pretty lean!
Tomorrow I have another screening of the same video as part of the Toronto Queer Film Festival. So that should be awesome!
ALSO finally finally tomorrow I am going to see a Gynaecologist about this ovarian cyst which keeps growing and I want to have surgery to get it out this fall. I hate surgery. I hate going under. BUT I also hate having something growing inside me just to be an asshole. My asshole cyst. Once when I was reading this trashy magazine (fuck what was it called? OH Bizarre) there was a picture of a woman getting a 32 pound ovarian cyst removed. That is my NIGHTMARE! That’s like, bigger than both of my dogs combined! And this thing is already over five inches. So out out out!
Tonight I overcame my reluctance to go back to something I still don’t totally understand, because it’s a new skill, and worked on my video game in Unity. I’m trying to make a three part game about bipolar disorder, and I needed to work on the second part. So I put in the background, made some box colliders so my character wouldn’t spin off into space, made sure the camera follows the character, made sure the character can move around, and fixed an issue that was making my world spin around when the character got going. Now I have to scan and edit some game objects that my character can collect or try to avoid (but probably will collect anyway) and end it with the police coming to take her/him away to the psych ward. That part will just be a screen with some text and a picture of the police or a police car or something. And then I have to do the third part, which is in the hospital where you talk to other patients. That part will be tricky, because I am going to try and incorporate video. But we will see. I have until August 18th to finish it, so time is ticking, but also I got all of that done in three hours today by referencing work I had done in the first part. So I think it’s doable.
I also found out I AM going to be presenting a workshop in Berlin, and some other pieces have to fall into place, but yes it looks like I am going to Berlin this summer! So that’s exciting. I miss Berlin! I honestly think it’s my favourite city outside of Canada. I have some work to get done in time for that.
I saw my psychotherapist on Friday. I was talking about how overwhelmed I felt with all this work I have to do. Like it’s all important and it WILL get done and I am glad I am doing it. But ALSO it’s stressful to see all these deadlines and things coming up. And although I am getting paid for some of it (like I did have grants this past year) I wish I had more regular income coming in, like some steady money.
My Mom is basically in the same boat. We have all these projects and they are getting attention and accolades, but figuring out how to keep money coming in regularly is hard! I have gotten Canada Council grants before, and other grants, but the living allowance they give you is really not very much, it’s not even above the poverty line. And if you ask for too much living allowance from some grant agencies, they get all suspicious because of course you should want to put all the money into your project. But damn, I gotta eat too ya know!
Anyway, I have four eggs, half a loaf of bread, almost a whole carton of milk, some cheese, and some cereal. And I leave on Friday for Vancouver for the weekend. So I am not gonna starve just yet.
The one thing I can definitively say is that whether you are rich or poor, money is always a temporary thing, and that goes for having it or lacking it. And I know some cash is coming my way.
Honestly though, if it wasn’t for the money/feeding myself worries, I would actually have a lot of fun with this highly creative lifestyle I’ve got going on. I like working on projects, I like learning new things. And I have someone interested in producing my feature with me now! So working on multiple things is awesome. I am glad I have a wealth of ideas right now. A few times in my life my creativity has dried right up, and those have been the most depressing points of my life.