Monthly Archives: February 2015

Dramatic day!

Today had a surprising sequence of events!

First of all I woke up to an email inviting me to present my feature film project to the Ryerson Telefilm people who are going to decide who to recommend for the microbudget features program.  Which would get me a bunch of money!  Not lots, BUT still more than I have ever had before.

So I was all excited, and I have been pretty much excited ever since.  I had a really hard time concentrating on my afternoon of writing, which was supposed to get me notes for a presentation tomorrow morning.  I did get about 841 words written, so hopefully I can expand on that tomorrow for ten minutes.  I will speak slow!

And then on the way to class today I was walking along the subway platform when I saw this guy kind of stumble towards the platform on the tracks.  He was on the tracks!  And he and I both look and a train is coming.  So he did this weird thing where he kind of ducked out of the way and curled up under the ledge.  And the train stopped, it didn’t come into the station.  And there was this tense moment where we were wondering if he was gonna come out or not.  And then this TTC lady came along and a witness and I both told her there was a guy tucked under the ledge, so she went down to the tracks and found him and convinced him to get off and come with her.  She asked his name and he asked if it mattered and she said of course it does.  Anyway, he seemed pretty down, so I hope he is getting help now.  The service stopped on that whole line both ways for 20-25 minutes.  And it was just after 5 so it was right during rush hour.

But he lived!  yay!  I was kind of horrified when it first started happening, I didn’t want to see someone die in front of me.  But he didn’t get hit!

So it was a funny day, from feeling super euphoric to watching someone have a really bad day.  And then class after that was good.

I’m tired!  I should curl up in bed!

Little Mister did a play bow today to Posey and we watched her run around all happy, so that was nice.  I think his back is getting way way better.  He’s nearly back to normal.  He just needs to get sexually inappropriate with Posey again and I’ll know he’s fine!

Oh no! Crash!

My Auntie was driving my mom’s car a week and a bit ago and it was really icy and long story short this truck slid right into Mom’s car and crunched it. Truck was fine. Car, not so much. Today Mom found out it is totalled. She’s worried she won’t have the cash to replace it after SGI cuts the cheque. And she is living in a city that is super car oriented, so it would be such a pain in the ass to not have one.

My nose feels sticky.

Posey has become hyper vigilant between the hours of 11pm and 1am. It’s super annoying. Gotta nip it in the bud.

I was holding her under the covers last night and her bum was in the crook of my arm and then I got a whiff of the most foul smell imaginable.  Oh pew it was gross! Dog farts!

I got a 3 dollar scratch and win and won 15 bucks! Pretty amazing! Especially since I had 30 dollars until next week’s payday!  45! 🙂

I have really bad sleep hygiene right now, I have been sleeping until 2pm. It’s so bad! 🙁 There are things I could be doing in the mornings and early afternoons. My Mom and Cousin suggested a SAD lamp. I thought I couldn’t use one because you have to use them early in the day, but now I am thinking maybe it doesn’t matter because I live in a basement and any time of day it would be good.

I’m so hesitant to do ANYTHING that will affect my mental health though.  Which is funny because I am in school and doing full time grad coursework.  Which adds a lot of stress to life.  But I am talking not wanting to up my antidepressants, worrying about adding a SAD lamp in case it makes me manic (which is not unheard of!). Basically I have this weird idea I can deal with a mild depression better than an out of control mania. But right now I do not have a psychiatrist. I am getting one April 1st. But I so hesitate doing anything about my mental health until then.  I can get counseling at school, but I don’t really have the time.

And it’s not THAT bad, is it? I can’t tell anymore. But fuck, I hate it when outside people try to have opinions on my mental health because I feel like they are pathologizing me and that sucks. Like fuck you!

(Insert pic of middle finger here)

I just wanna figure it out myself. And there is no magical thinking going on, which is when things get really dicey. And I don’t want to die. And I am not madly in love with anyone although I have a few crushes. I am not sending out lots of emails either. So there.

Ha ha, my last psychiatrist always asked me every session “Have you been sending lots of emails?” because the last time I ended up in the hospital I had hypergraphia like you would not believe and sent out hundreds of emails to annoyed friends. I barely use my email in a social way now.  I just send business emails. SO BORING! BUT also not crazy, so that is good.

I like using the word crazy to describe actually being mentally ill. I know some people hate it and think it is always pejorative, but crazy is such a perfect word for me.

Anyway. It is almost springtime. Hypomanias tend to happen in spring. That’s something to look forward to.

Sometimes people think I am crazy and honestly I am fine I am just being a little dozey or daydreamy or something. People who do not know about mental illness should not be diagnosing people.  I knew a cousin who got mad at her sister and was telling everyone she should be sent to the psychward and I had spent a lot of time around the cousin in question and honestly nothing was wrong with her at that time.  She was so lucid and even! Another time a friend told me I was manic and nothing was wrong with me then either! I was fine.

Blah blah blah. Anyway, I’ve been taking my meds and I did see my psychiatrist in December, which isn’t too long ago. I just need to wake up earlier. And get a cheap SAD lamp.

Little Mister is much better!

Little Mister had an emergency vet visit about 12 days ago, the vet thought he might have a leaky disc in his spine.  So he was on crate rest for ten to fourteen days. He was very sore, even with the gabapentin they prescribed for him. BUT he got a lot better, and now he only goes in his crate when I can’t watch him. He’s not tip top just yet but he’s able to have more of a normal life than before. He was so bored, but then he started going in on his own and I think he knew it was good for him.


Posey has been trying to hump him the last couple of days and I keep pulling her off, but sometimes she does it behind my back and Little Mister has the most outraged yelp! Poor dude! She’s gotta learn!

I finished my first draft of my outline and my advisor wrote some notes on it for me to think about, but he has given the ok to move on to writing a first draft of my script.  So that’s pretty exciting!

I am almost done writing my grant for Canada Council. I just need a letter from my department head saying it has nothing to do with my graduate studies, which is true since it will happen after I am done anyway.

It’s really really cold here. I am staying home but it’s so freezing even inside! My hands feel numb. Little Mister goes and sleeps in the bathroom because it’s warmer. But my bed is warm enough, especially with Posey in it.  Smooth coated dachshunds throw off a lot of body heat, and they like being all the way under the covers.

I’m tired! I keep sleeping in.  It’s reading week so it doesn’t matter a whole lot, but I don’t want to fall into bad habits.

I was looking at jobs tonight out of curiousity. There are some interesting ones out there. I am not gonna start applying until I find out about this grant, but maybe in August I will look for something part time.

It’s cold and I want warm hands so I am going under the covers now! Goodnight!

Monday Stuff. And Mister has a humping related pulled muscle.

I wrote my outline today, got to 3 pages!  That’s way better!  Gonna work on it a bit more tonight and then upload to my shared folder for class tomorrow.  I also have to fill out a form about the work I did this past week.  It’s going to be about 10 or 12 pages and I am trying to get the first draft done for next week’s class.  Two weeks then it’s reading week!  YAY! Catch up time! My Grad Advisor wants my first draft of the outline done the week before reading week so he can send me home with some notes.  This has so far been a way better process than when I first wrote a feature.  Last time I wrote a feature I just wrote blindly into the unknown!  Now I can see how everything is structured before writing scenes.

What else can I tell you? Hmmmmm.

It’s very very snowy here today.  I mean, there was a lot on the ground when I went to leave the house.  ALSO there have been four cases of measles in Toronto, and they don’t know who infected these people. So that’s all terrible.

Little Mister keeps yelping today.  I think I need to be gentler with him. He IS an old man dog now. BUT also maybe something is wrong.  I’ll just have to keep an eye out.

I am going to be applying to have my feature film project recommended by Ryerson to the Telefilm micro-budget program.  I don’t know if I will get chosen, but who knows! It’s worth a shot!  Also during reading week I have to do a little work on my grant for Scriptwriting from Canada Council.  It would give me a project to work on for a year, and it’s a story I’ve been thinking about for a long time.

I’m hoping to get an award, but I have no idea when they decide who gets it and the webpage about it is all 404’ed.  It would super help me out a lot!