Last Night

Last night I spent awake beside Grandma, listening to all the things she had to say and moving her leg when it was going to fall out of bed and shuffing her blankets around and moistening her lips.  She didn’t pass in my presence, at this writing she is still alive.  She was getting ready to go though.  Her breathing would stop and start, she would moan and sometimes convulse and she started saying numbers.  And then names.  She said the name of Christopher, my cousin who died in 2006.  She said the name of Prince, her dog who she and Grandpa had for sixteen years.  She said Mom and she said Betty, who is her departed sister.  I was there all night and then came home and got kisses from my dogs and ate bacon eggs and toast and showered.  Changed my clothes.

My Uncle and Auntie are there now with her and Auntie said she just said Beautiful in Cree.

The light was dim last night because my Mom and other Auntie were snoozing in the two rooms.  And sometimes my Auntie would come in and use the bathroom and close the door, making the room almost black.  And then you could see flashes of light moving around the room.  It was so moving, all of it, and this feeling that there really is an afterlife and our people come back for us to bring us to the other side.

Grandpa is getting an operation right now so he couldn’t be there.  Grandma is really worried about him.  She told us over and over “Visit him a lot.”

I think she is trying to hang on so she can talk to him or see him.  I don’t know if that will happen.

But I do know that she is going to a beautiful place with her relatives and dog who have passed on.  And that is enough for me to feel ok letting her go.  She was the best Grandma I could have ever had.  All I kept thinking was how much I loved her, for all the things she has done for me and others and just for the amazing woman she is.  And I know the staff at her care home are being really good to her.  If she doesn’t see Grandpa in person I know she will see him in spirit.

And I will visit him.  As much as I can. A lot.

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