Monthly Archives: July 2014

This generic sucks ass

I’ve been taking a new generic wellbutrin because Indian Affairs won’t pay for a brand name if a generic is available.  Well yeah, it’s available but it SUCKS!  I’ve been noticing a creeping depression sneaking up on me and it’s been years since I have been depressed because Wellbutrin works so good!  The REAL Wellbutrin.  This shit is crap!  So I’m gonna have to fork over money to pay for it, because Indian Affairs has the shittiest health plans EVER!  Worse than Social Assistance health coverage.  Literally a white person on welfare would have better coverage than me.  Because Fuck NDNs.


So tomorrow morning I am gonna call and try to get a week’s worth of wellbutrin and switch my meds back to the regular stuff, and pay for it.  When I try to google how much it costs I seem to end up with prices for American consumers and it’s totally insane, like over 200 for 90 days.  I seem to remember a month being about 27 dollars here, so I am hoping that is true.  HOPE HOPE HOPE!

I was reading about generic buproprion and how they had problems with it in the past because it didn’t have time release, it would release all at once and therefore was not effective.  I have a suspicion that is what it is doing again.

I know there’s this cuddly warm feeling about generics like they are giving a chance at health to poor people, but sometimes making a generic that doesn’t work when the brand name is amazing is SUCH A BAD IDEA!  Especially because poor people usually have health insurance that will refuse to cover a brand name when a generic is available.  SO REALLY you are providing a lower standard of health to poor people. Great going Mr. Generic!

But I mean, thats the same with everything isn’t it?

I bet I will feel a million times better when I get the real Wellbutrin in my system again.  I thought I was going onto week 4 with my meds, but I’m only on day one of week 3!  And I already feel this shitty!

Also I need to get back on track because I cannot move when I am feeling suicidal.  It’s just not right.  And I know, logically, that it makes absolutely no sense.  It’s just the stupid chemicals in my crazy brain!  Fuck mental illness.  It’s not cool, it’s just a pain in the ass! I hate people who wish they were crazy, it’s not fun! Get your street cred some other way!

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to Regina.  And it will be good.  I’m gonna pick up better meds in the morning, so hopefully they will kick in soon.

Remember, I am crowdfunding to get through to October in grad school with no band funding!  Kick a few dollars my way if you can, it takes debit too if you know your bank account number I do believe!

Go Fund Me!

So today I got word that I am number 9 on the waitlist for funding from my reserve!  That gives me a shot at getting funding in January after a few people have dropped out due to whatever life circumstances, but right now I am focused on getting through my first semester.

So I have started a Go Fund Me!  You can check it out here!  Any little bit helps, and I am giving out some sweet rewards!

I’m exploring other funding avenues too, but if you have ever wanted to support my work or me in anyway, here is your chance!

Thanks a bunch for being a good reader!  If you don’t have disposable cash to donate, then spread the word!

Where are my magic beans?

SO!  I am gonna start packing soon!  I’ve been going through my books trying to find ones to give away.  I think I gave away all the ones I don’t need.  Maybe I will go through them again.  I have until August 10th to pack, and then the movers come and take away my things!  Goodbye things!

Little Mister and Posey are doing well.  Little Mister was humping her today and he had an erection, which is rare but happens on the odd occasion.  SUPER rare because he has no testicles.  ANYWAY he was mainly humping the air, her leg, no where near any orifices.  Super awkward!!

I found a job on the TAGA Ryerson page, I’m gonna get my resume up to snuff and apply.  I’m basically just gonna apply to any job that I feel I could do well on that site and see what happens.  It would give me more to live on, which would be nice.

I still don’t know if I will be funded by Little Pine.  It’s Wednesday, halfway through the week that I was told they MIGHT meet again.  It’s also near the end of July, September 1st is creeping up fast!

What else?  Oh just a bunch of arty stuff I have to do!

My computer is much happier though, I feel a lot better about it.

I’m still waiting for magic beans to show up and pay for my move and my first and last months rent.  Also I still don’t have a place to live, but that is ok, something will happen!


So I finally got to the bottom of my laptop problems, a faulty graphics card.  The Graphics card in a Macbook is attached to the Logic Board.  The logic board is a major piece of a computer (from what I have gathered) and cost me $904 with taxes and labour to replace.  Crap!  So I paid it.  I had to scrounge up a bunch of money and also borrow 130 from my mom.  I have six dollars and sixty six cents in my bank account.  I’m doing a performance at the end of the month, which will give me some more money towards my move.

OOh! Just got 60 bucks reimbursed from my kennel I had to buy for Little Mister! 😀

Anyway, I am working on some writing, finally.  I got interrupted a bunch of times with taking my computer in to get fixed and stuff.  I actually resorted to longhand for a monologue I am doing in Regina soon.  It’s only three pages in, and I need ten minutes, so it’s gonna be a while!

I’m still waiting to hear from my reserve if I have been funded to go to school.  It’s taking a really long time!

Besides the whole thing with my computer, I’ve also been dealing this week with a letter from Canada Council saying I was ineligible to apply to the last grant deadline, along with a copy of a final report form for me to fill out.  The thing was that my final report was approved in March, and I had put it in the mail just before the deadline.  So I wanted to know what the hell happened and sent an email Monday with a copy of my stub saying the final report had been approved, didn’t hear anything for days, sent another email Thursday, and then on Friday got an email basically saying that since it wasn’t approved by the deadline I was ineligible.  I still don’t know why they waited until all the official grant results came out to tell me that (four months later), and didn’t tell me earlier.  Also I don’t know if they pulled it before the peer assessment process or after.  Also I have sent final reports and grant applications in at the same time before and it’s been okay, so I don’t know why this time was different.  I’m really frustrated with their handling of this situation, and I hope if this is their new policy that they apply it equally to all applicants. It feels really unfair and I am pretty angry, especially that I had to send three emails to find out why this had happened.  Because the gist I got from the letter was that the officer didn’t even know I had put my final report in at all.

And then when I was having my really bad day, my perpetually teenage cousin decided to be a big sociopath on my wall and say a bunch of hurtful things.  She’s busy with her addictions and being an asshole, so I said some things back.  Then I blocked her, on facebook, on my cell, and on Instagram.  I think that’s all the places she knows where I am. Oh!  Ha ha, she is on Fetlife, I guess I should block her there too.  Although she just posts pics I don’t want to see anyway!

Don’t be friends with your relatives on Fetlife!  Nooooo! Bad idea!

In Search of a Shell to call Home

Posey is getting better! We’ve had a lot of people at the house, and she is starting to get over barking at people.  BUT we had electricians doing work in the basement, and she went nuts for the few hours they were here.

The house still hasn’t been sold.  We have new steps, rubber paving on the front sidewalk, and a new electrical panel.  But still no interest.

Tomorrow there is another viewing, I’m gonna have to do some cleaning in the morning.  I’m getting SO tired of keeping this place Show Ready.  It looks nice and all, but it’s stressful.

I took Ativan a couple nights ago, and it made me sleepy for a good 24 hours! HOLY SHIT!  I don’t know how people do it recreationally, I was just SO TIRED! Anyway, now I am just gonna save it for super emergency needs.  Because I have things to do ya know!

Still no place to live! Still freaking out!  I keep checking kijiji, Craigslist, and Homes for Queers Toronto everyday, just in case something new jumps out at me.  Craigslist seems to have some dodgy people on it.  And some of the stipulations for living situations are ridiculous.  For instance, I might be able to understand No Pets, though I can’t live there, BUT I think the No Overnight Guests things is way over the line! How can you tell your renters they can’t have sex in your building?  That’s pretty controlling man!

I don’t have much else to say today.  I slept a lot yesterday.  Today was mostly a day at home, except for going to the Coach with Deanna and going to Grandma’s with Mom and Auntie.

Posey still pukes in the car.  Poor pup!

Sweet goodbyes to docs and groomers

I’ve been apartment/roommate hunting for the past while.  Everything else is in place, except the housing thing.  BUT I have found an apartment building in my price range and within walking distance to Ryerson.  I’m waiting for the manager to fax me the application and then I am gonna fill it out and fax it back and hope for good news.  It’s tiny, I knew I would have to live in a tiny place though, and my dogs are also tiny so it’s ok.

I will just have to pay for internet, cell, and transit pass and groceries!  Which is still a lot.  BUT it’s not too bad.

I’m getting excited.  I saw my psychiatrist for possibly the last time today.  She gave me a prescription for ativan as needed when I can’t sleep, and we said our goodbyes.  Little Mister went to his groomer’s for the last time, and they gave him a little zebra striped tie instead of a bandana.  I’m saving it for special occasions.  I have to remember all the things I need to do before I leave.

Like I have to get my iPhone unlocked, so I can use it with another carrier in Toronto.  I have to get Little Mister’s vet history from his vet so I can share it with his next vet, and in case we cross the border some day.  I have to give away a whole bunch of books I don’t really want anymore.  I have to do another cull of my clothing.  I have to pack everything and get it organized and in easy to get spots for the movers.  I have to gather money for first and last month’s rent AND money for the movers.  Right now a lot of my money is coming to me in the future, the near future but still it’s not in hand.  I think I’ve got about $1000 I can access at the end of the month.  And another 1000 that has to go to rent in Toronto.

Whew.  I put 200 down on my moving expenses, and I paid for my cargo and plane ticket to Toronto.

I still haven’t heard if Little Pine is funding me.  And I still haven’t heard if Canada Council is giving me a grant.  It’s getting so close to the time I have to leave!  It’s worrisome!  I don’t know why Little Pine hasn’t made decisions yet.

I’m also worried about being poor, yet again.  I guess I am poor now.  But it’s easier here, my rent isn’t so high, and I get more a month now on disability than I will on living allowance.  It sucks.  Like, there is a $250 difference, and that’s groceries for the month!  That’s a lot of money.

I’m looking for TA/GA jobs everyday on the website, some are starting to be posted but they seem to be for math and engineering ones, which I am clearly not remotely qualified for.

ANYWAY! I am still pretty excited about leaving Saskatoon.  It’s been a super frustrating place to live, because there are so many things missing from it that I know I can get in a bigger city.  Like a queer film fest, and an Indigenous Film fest, and probably jobs because I can’t get them here because I have a Native last name and hiring folks here are deeply racist, like most of Saskatchewan.  Like, I don’t even get interviews or callbacks.  Even for things I am qualified for.  Anyway, grrrr!  And there aren’t a lot of women that I am interested in here.  Not really anyone, really.  Nobody! And I know I could get at least a couple dates in Toronto, and eventually meet someone.  And the industry I want to work in is there.  And there are more arts things.  And competition would be stiff, but that is ok.

So I’ve been ready to leave for a long time.

I’ve been so stressed out here with the house being on the market, and all the cleaning that we do for the viewings, and blah blah blah.  And then having my laptop in the shop for a while.  It’s back now!  I hope it stays home now and works properly and doesn’t mess up!  It went through two hardware tests and passed them both.

Well, time to unwind.  I promised myself when I got lappy back I would watch Community on Netflix.  So maybe I will do that.