Monthly Archives: March 2014

Change is good for the soul

I’m really tired.  Things are changing really fast.  Mom and I went looking for condos for her to live in, and she found one she has her heart set on.  So a real estate agent is coming to the house on Tuesday to assess the place and Mom is going to get the house on the market.  I have a whole bunch of crappy crap I have to get rid of so that I can take just the essentials to Toronto.  My friend Louis has checked his schedule and says he can come out here and drive my stuff and my dogs to Toronto at the end of August.  I’m pretty excited.

I got the names of a few co-ops from Margaret and Louis and I’ve started the application process.  I also found out disappointing news that my reserve still only gives 830.00 a month for living allowance for single people.  Which clearly isn’t enough to survive on.  BUT apparently I can get a top up from the disability program in Ontario because they don’t mind people attending post secondary full time AND being on disability.  So that might bump me up to 1200 a month.  Plus my fellowship adds a bit of money in there.  SO I should be okay at least until January.  If I can get subsidized co-op housing I would be totally fine, but I might have to start out paying market rent, which is STILL a hell of a lot cheaper than like, a regular apartment in Toronto.

Blah blah blah!

OMG I am so ready to leave.  My grandpa wants me to come back after school is done, but there’s no point, I can’t get a job here because it’s too racist, and also I can’t work in my field because Brad Wall murdered the film industry here.  I like my family, but I am ready to go away.  I need to go somewhere I can find a girlfriend and get a nice apartment and do grown up things again like have sex. I really miss big city living.  And my dogs might have to adjust, but I am sure they will be fine.

Little Mister is being such a sweetie these days.  Well, except he keeps charging Posey when he wants to tune her up.  And then Hermione intervenes because she’s kind of become Posey’s Mum.  And I feel guilty that in the not too distant future they are gonna get separated.  Because they are so cute together.

I went to my Concurrent Disorders group on Friday and told them about getting into Grad School.  The addictions counselor said she would look into getting me a phone number for someone in Toronto who could point me to a similar group there.

Getting all this stuff sorted is gonna take some time!  And I also have to get my official transcripts to Ryerson, and my application in to Little Pine for funding.  So many things to remember!  I should write lists!


So I’ve been busy trying to come up with plans for getting out to Toronto and finding a place to live.  I’ve been looking up Coop Housing places, trying to find somewhere close to Ryerson and also somewhere that has subsidized rent.  Or at least not crazy expensive rent.  My friend Margaret says some places have totally reasonable waiting lists, so there is a chance I could get in one sooner than a year.

I found out today that Sight will be a part of NSI’s Online Film Festival, it will be on the website in June.  It’s pretty cool!  I had to get a bunch of stuff in to them, so I just did that.

I’m doing good otherwise.  I’m busy, filling in forms for various things, googling a bunch of stuff.  Playing with the dogs.  I went out to Rhymes for Young Ghouls last night and tomorrow night I am going to The Grand Budapest Hotel with my Mom.  I’m feeling pretty good.

My risperidone has been lowered again, to 3mg at night.  I’ve noticed I’m a little bit crabbier.  I don’t know if this will go away or if it’s something I should worry about.  It was only changed a while ago.  I have until May to see how it goes.

Last year when I applied for Grad school my psychiatrist said she could do Skype appointments for a while until I get to see someone in Toronto.  So I guess that’s ok.  Oh man, and I’m gonna have to find a GP too.

Well anyway, good and busy things happening!

The Decision!

Well, today I was heading out with Deanna to go to the Coachman and sit around drinking coffees and get some groceries, and we were walking down the driveway when I saw the mailman.  I was getting the mail from him and he had a small envelope that was mailed expresspost.  I didn’t really think anything of it, but then I looked closer at it and it was from Ryerson.

I didn’t want to open it in the street, so it was a very long chilly walk to the mall and as soon as we sat down I opened it.  The whole way I was debating the merits of the letter, because it was express post.  I was like “They wouldn’t send a rejection express post would they?”

So I started reading it and it said “I am pleased to inform you . . . ” and I was like “Waaaaahoooo!  I got in!”  I didn’t really read the letter thoroughly the first time, I was so excited.  But yes, they approved my admission to the MA in Media Production program and said a formal offer of admission would be coming soon!

So I was excited and glowing all day.  I looked into renting a Uhaul truck, and it would be 1400 to rent it, not including the fuel.  I’m also starting to look into housing situations.  I need to bring my dogs with me, so it’s kinda tricky.  Although Toronto is a good place for dogs.  You can take them on public transit during off peak hours, and they aren’t supposed to discriminate for housing because of pets.  So IN THEORY I should be able to get around and have a place to live and have my little wiener dogs.  Yay for the weens!

I’m glad that I finally have an idea of what the future has in store for me.  It’s good to be able to make definite plans.  I have a lot of problem solving to do, especially in regards to moving costs and finding a place to live.  I also have to contact my band and see if they can fund me, and look around for scholarships/bursaries/stipends and stuff.  Toronto is pretty pricey.  But so is Vancouver and I lived there for nine years.  And so is Saskatoon, now.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!  I finally got into grad school!

Winning Streak

Yesterday I was on a winning streak.  I won 100 bucks on Nevadas!  I won 100 bucks on those back in Vancouver, and I’ve played them ever since trying to win again, and I finally did!  Hurrah!

I also bought some groceries at Safeway and won some chips and a chocolate bar.  Yeah!

There was something else I won recently.  Oh yeah, two coffees and a donut from Timmies.  It’s funny, these small gains aren’t really significant but they make me feel better all the same.

I’m feeling pretty optimistic about the future.  I am waiting to hear about a few things involving my career.

Also I really need to get back to writing my webseries.  I need to get nine more episodes written, and I’m not doing a great job of it so far.  I’m totally slacking.  And time is ticking, I’m supposed to shoot it in less than three months.  Yikes!  I can dooo it!  Maybe sitting in the living room with my computer is not conducive to writing.  ALSO I noticed that when I was writing Bunnyhug I went for walks a lot, sometimes short, sometimes long, but that’s when I got my best ideas.  It’s a little cold, but with a hat could be bearable.  And it’s not super icy anymore.  Maybe I need to take a walk in the neighborhood.  There’s lots of greenspace, it’s a pleasant neighborhood to take a walk in.

Also I should be doing more research.  I’m totes slacking!  I even turned off Habit RPG because I went somewhere and when I came back I never turned it back on because I didn’t want to be accountable and lose my sword and helmet again.  LOL!  Jeepers.

Also my chair is too high and broken.  My feet don’t even touch the ground.  It makes me feel like a child!

Well, I think I’m gonna glance over my outline and then go for a long walk.  Wish me luck!

Worst Neighbors in the World

I don’t even know the last names of our neighbors, but the annoying boy is named Carl.

Carl is nosey.  Carl asks questions of anyone who goes in or out of our house.  Carl followed one of our house guests to the bus stop and has since decided that this house guest is my boyfriend.  I told Carl I don’t date boys, and then he was like “No!  He’s your boyfriend.”

Last summer one of the girls next door told my mom Carl was an abuser.  We notified child protection but nothing was done, because this family was white or because it was a one off or who knows what.

People who have come to our house suspect that Carl has FAS.  He’s so inappropriate and has shitty social skills.  I really want that family to move away.

Anyway, the whole family pisses me off so much that I had to vent here.  I HATE CARL!  He also runs in front of our car to keep us from going anywhere.  He’s a total dick.  And he’s 15.  He should know better but he doesn’t.  And he doesn’t have any friends, I’ve never seen someone come over to hang out with him.

Anyway, BLAH!  What can you do when your neighbors suck?

Two to Three Weeks from a Decision!

I got two emails from Ryerson this week, the first one said my application had been reviewed and was sent to the Program Admissions Committee.  The next one was from the department and said they would be making admission decisions and sending them out in two to three weeks!  So I don’t have too much longer to wait.  Although I admit I just wish I could put myself in a coma until the decision so I’d like, not be sitting around waiting and waiting.  Or a time machine, that would work too.  Anyway, it’s gonna be pretty soon, and then I can make more definite plans about my life, like figuring out the logistics of moving my stuff, two dogs, and me to Toronto.  And finding a place to live, that could be tricky!  And getting money to move everything and every dog and me.

There is also a job I am gonna apply for in Toronto, in case I don’t get into school.  I have the qualifications except I need to learn one thing.  So there’s that.

Not much else is happening.  My ablation is still doing well, or rather, my endometrial lining-less uterus is doing well.  No period so far!

I went to Concurrent Disorders group because I have been having dreams about using.  And I don’t want to use.  I am two months and four days away from having two years clean.  And it was really hard to get to that point, so I don’t want to undo it all.  Anyway, it was helpful for me to see the folks at group.  They are pretty nice.

I went to the openings tonight at AKA and PAVED.  We have Josh Schwebel staying with us in the basement suite, and his show was opening.  It was really good.  I’m crappy at talking about art, so I don’t want to describe it.

I’m really excited for my decision to come in.  I guess two weeks isn’t that long.  Or early April.  Whatever.  I will finally know!  And I’ve been poking around on the site for the program more and it looks like I would get a chance to learn some things I am really interested in.  Which is good since I did apply to that program.  The electives look promising.

I’ve got this sense that something good is gonna happen soon.  I feel pretty happy about the possibilities in my future.

Posey is fitting in well with our house.  She’s a super sweetie.  She is a little too barky of people who have just come into the house though.  Hoping to get her out of that bad habit.  She likes to bite my thumbs when we are getting ready to sleep.  She’s got tiny puppy teeth and it really hurts when she gets you with her molars.  She likes to run with food in her mouth.  And she likes to race around the house with Little Mister, which is good because that’s what I was hoping for when I got her.  She is super bonded to Hermione, which makes me a little sad because I know they are gonna be separated.  But she will probably come home with me for visits sometimes.

The government cut elder care funding for our band, and now our band has rejected the agreement they are supposed to sign, and anyway we are 2000 short on rent for Grandma and Grandpa every month now.  We were hoping to win the lottery tonight to pay for it, because it was some remote faint hope, but it’s totally not happening.  I hope something works out.  The Harper Government can go to hell!!

Sober living blues

I did the Winter Challenge today.  I jumped in the snow and made a snow angel, but it was really sticky snow so the wings were very shallow, and my bum made a big dent.

I’m getting the rest of my tattoo tomorrow.  I’m pretty excited, it should be good.  I’m going in at 11am and then it’s gonna be until it gets done.  But realistically I can only do two and a half hours of tattooing before I hit the wall.  It’s been rescheduled two times already because of illness or schedule problems.

My ablation is still fine.  No weirdness.  My period should have come already, but it didn’t come so I’m pretty pleased.  I know there’s no guarantee it’s really gone though, I have to wait until more time has passed.  It’s been 18 days or so since I got it done.  The gynecologist wants to see me in three months to see how it’s going.

Posey puppy is doing good.  She is getting bigger and sweet and is so cuddly.  I think she just went to bed with Mom!  She’s more of a lap dog than Little Mister, Little Mister likes to be in his crate or on his bed in the kitchen.  Sometimes he will sit on my lap, but not for long.

Ah, there’s not much to report.  I might not go on any arty trips this year.  OH! Wait, that is a lie, because I think I am going to Winnipeg for a thing in the future.

I am really wondering about the strength of my sobriety these days.  I keep having dreams about planning then deliberately falling off the wagon.  It’s pretty weird.  I am gonna go to concurrent disorders again this Friday and just listen.  Maybe it will help.  I am wondering if I have hit some kind of sober plateau.  I wonder if I should be working a program like NA.  I mean, it might help.  But the people there.  Ahhhh, maybe I am being judgmental.  Everyone is at different stages of recovery.  I just feel like after racking up a year and a half of sobriety I should be in a different headspace.  Not feeling so fragile.

Anyway, I think maybe meetings would help.  There are NA meetings in my neighborhood on Sundays.  There are NA meetings every night though.  I dunno.

I am getting Tegan and Sara tickets!  I need a date to come with me.  I don’t know who!  I have 106 days to find somebody!


Well, I had written a blog post with this title, but time has passed and my browser crashed a few times, and anyway, this is all that is left.  Oops.  I don’t even know what I was referring to.

I am doing well with my ablation.  I didn’t have any discharge for a long time, but then today something was coming out so I put on a pad, only to discover it was really not even needing a pad.  It was like these specks of brown, I guess it’s whatever was left of my lining shedding. They looked kind of funny, like if coarse sand was coming out.  But now it’s back to nothing.  About now is when I would normally get my period.  So far, nothing really! 😀  When I think about it my uterus gets a little crampy, but for the most part its fine.  It’s fine! 😀  I hope I don’t have a period again.  I’m so done with it!

My cousin Deanna has moved in with us for the month.  She’s going to decide where she will go when the month is up.  Next week my friend Josh is coming to stay with us too!

Posey Puppy is doing well.  She’s really smart, she knows what I mean if I say “Go pee.”  This may not sound like much, but it’s a major step.  I used to have a dog who I would say “Do you need to pee?” and he would jump up and go to the backdoor to go pee outside.  Wesley was such a good dog.  But anyway, I am hoping to use this to convince Posey to use the pads or go outside.  Little Mister is terrible about peeing.  I need to whip him into shape.

Little Mister and Posey had an altercation today.  The mail lady came and Mister and Hermione were barking around like usual and Posey got excited, and then suddenly Mister attacked her!  He was all sound and fury, she didn’t actually get bitten, her neck was a little wet.  But she cried and cried and cried.  She was so upset.  I yelled at Mister and picked her up and held her and told her she was okay, and then she mostly was.  Hermione told off Little Mister with some bitchy snarls.  It was over pretty fast.  I’m not sure where everyone is gonna fit in the dog hierarchy when this is over, but Little Mister is not going to be second to a puppy!

Hermione growls at the baby sometimes too, but Posey seems to think she is cute enough to get away with things, and for the most part she does.

I’m missing Mom.  She is out of town doing arty things.  I got artist fees today, so that was awesome.  I can use some of them to pay for my night guard that Aboriginal Affairs and Social Services won’t pay for.  I’m kind of tired, this puppy has been getting me up early.  She has to pee and then I can’t just leave her in my bed or she will pee on it.  So yeah.

Well, blah!  I have nothing else of note to mention!  I’m just hanging around close to home until Mom gets back, keeping the place cleanish.  I almost miss her television habits.  Maybe I should watch Mystery Diners and pretend she is in the next chair.


Posey got spayed!  She did ok, she’s in a cone and stoned.  I was hand feeding her because she was so pitiful.  Poor baby!  Right now she is curled up in her little bed.  She’s such a cutie pie.  I got her name tag for her finally.  The machine wasn’t calibrated properly so the engraving was off by a couple millimeters.  So the 3 in 306 was cut off a little bit.  BUT I think it should be ok.  Maybe I will get another one someday, they get worn pretty fast anyway.

Poor Posey!  I have another vet appointment with her in a while, I should find out when that is!

I’m working on a grant and I have a really LIMITED amount of time to do it in.  I didn’t check the grant deadlines until yesterday, only to discover the deadline for scriptwriting isn’t March 31, it’s March 1st!  FUCK!  Uuuuuh.  So I have that to do this weekend.  I am lucky it falls on a Saturday because now I have until Monday to get it postmarked and in the mail.  I wrote the Project Description this morning.  I am letting it marinate in my mind for a while then coming back to it. For most of tonight I will be getting other things ready, like my resume and support material and budget.  The budget will be easy peasy because I am just asking for living costs.

IF I didn’t need this grant so much for the fall I wouldn’t really care about missing this deadline, but it would REALLY HELP with my plans to get out of Saskatoon and work on a project I have been talking about for years.  My admission into Grad School is still up in the air.  I’ve been rejected three times at three other programs so I feel really dubious.  Even if I did get into Grad School, I still need money to move my stuff and my dogs to Toronto.  So yeah.  I am hoping I win the lottery tonight, if I do I won’t even bother with this application.


I didn’t win the lottery.  BOOOOOOO!

I just took my mom to the airport, I have to go get some groceries and a usb stick and some puffy envelopes for my grant.  I’m nearly done, I just need to edit the project description.  Add some, take some out.  Snip snip.  Make it look like a really delicious project.

The dogs are well.  I am well.  Baby is getting her next painkiller.  I should get back to work.  I will write again later!