Duh! I totally set this up so I could blog and then I went willy nilly all over internet land until I remembered! I was posting too much on facebook so sometimes when I have a touch of hypergraphia I use it up here. Well well well, what should I report?
OMG! I have a job! I am doing a street patroller job seven and a half hours a week picking up used needles in the inner city! I have my orientation on Tuesday! And I have to get some hepatitis shots and I got a criminal record check. I am not a criminal according to my record! Hurrah!
I got asked to dance at the Pride dance and got a phone number! I felt really awkward, I don’t know what to do with women. I really am clueless. I have to remember to call her back because the last time I got this woman’s number I forgot to call her and everyone got mad at me! I should call her. I wonder if it is too late now. So I guess I have two numbers really, but I kinda already fucked up with that previous one.
It’s just that after spending years wanting to finally have a “real” relationship (read: monogamous) and only ending up in polyamourous relationships, now I really WANT to be poly but I don’t want to crush some monogamous oriented woman’s heart. And it’s really silly because I don’t even have one relationship, just some crushes I am hanging around with. But I don’t want to have to pick one, I want them all! I am greedy!
Anyway, so getting picked up in bars or clubs makes me worry because I don’t want to wake up the next morning in a relationship with someone I haven’t gotten to know. And Lesbians move pretty fast into relationships sometimes. I dunno, I would just prefer getting to know women and making sure they are poly before having sex. Plus I now require safer sex supplies when I’m doing it and I stopped carrying around my emergency stash of condoms, dental dams, and gloves. And my gloves are six years old, I should really buy new ones. Black ones. That would be super sexy! Yeah, I am starting to realize that there is some sexual potential in my life and I really should be better prepared.
I used to always pack my strap on Just In Case when I traveled, and I don’t anymore. Maybe I should. I don’t have much practice using it to be honest, I’m kind of awkward with it. I feel like less of a butch! I wish my dildo was a nicer colour, like blue. Or red. My favorite one was green but that was kind of a stupid colour, it fit really good though. And then the rat ate it. I was so upset, but he had a cute little face, even though green silicone was coming out of his mouth. Anyway, my current favorite one is this kind of creamy white person flesh colour if white people had no blood. It’s kind of a stupid colour too, I should have ordered right from Vixen instead of going through Come As You Are.
Actually I would prefer a softer dildo, Vixen dildos, at least the ones I have had, are quite firm. I need to get to a dildo store, clearly. Online ordering won’t cut it.
Anyway. Pride was awesome, clearly! I got to hang out with a crush all day and my dog did good at Pride even though he wouldn’t drink any water. He gets stubborn. And then I went to the dance and then I went to 302 and saw bunches of friends and then I went to a friends and then I came home in the morning. And slept for four hours. It wasn’t enough! 🙁 I am looking forward to sleeping tonight.
Well since I titled this blog sex sex sex sex I feel compelled to talk about it more. But I really have nothing further to say. I am always surprised when I end up having sex, because most of the time I am not having sex. And then I like feeling someone whose body is like mine. I’m pretty attracted to lesbianism. I just think same sex fucking is hot! It’s fucking hot!
I don’t just want sex though, I want long relationships. I want commitment even if it doesn’t involve monogamy, just knowing someone is serious. That someone will stick around. I am tired of short explosive relationships, where there’s this intense passionate involvement that ends just as suddenly as it begins. I’ve had a lot of those. I want to really get to know my lovers.
And I hate hurting women. I am always scared of breaking someone’s heart because I know it sucks, but it’s kind of silly to worry about that before even getting in a relationship. Oddly enough, I am not scared about getting my heart broken, even though the odds of it happening again are pretty high.
I wonder who my girlfriend will be. Or girlfriends. Or whatever. BUT ABSOLUTELY NO SISTER WIVES!!!