I was really productive last night! I wrote five pages of my grant! :O So amazing! I am hoping this productivity continues because I have a lot to do! I’m not going to give you my list, because you’d be annoyed with me. It’s positive work though, I mean, I won’t feel shitty doing any of it. I just have to plan so my mood works with whatever I have to work on. Like watching all these videos, I have to be in some kind of absorbing mood, instead of an outputting mood, which is better for stuff like grant writing.
I thought of a funny two minute video I want to make about having an addiction and how it can fuck up your love life. The thought of it made me laugh anyway. And I do kind of mine my own life for stories. And I wanted to make one video about my addiction.
SPEAKING OF ADDICTIONS!!!! Yesterday I had my last cigarette at 6:40pm! It’s been over twelve hours with no smoking! I’m not going to boast yet though, because there’s always the chance I could relapse. But who knows? Maybe maybe maybe this is it. A lot of my friends are all quitting right now, I should just quit with them for good. Fewer and fewer people smoke.
I can’t believe I even became a smoker. It was because I was mixing hash with tobacco. And then I tried tobacco on it’s own. Damn! Marijuana is a gateway drug!
Mental Health wise I have been doing really well lately. I’ve been diligently taking my medication and I am finding my life much improved after getting off the Celexa. I can even sort of cry now!
I used to cry so damn much. I could cry at the drop of a hat. And then I went on Celexa and it totally stopped! I lost a job, I lost my apartment, and I didn’t cry either time! :O Weird.
I did cry when people died though, but not as much as I have in the past.
The paranormal stuff has gone down in the house, I think. I think we have a ghost cat in our house. But that doesn’t bother me. He was a good kitty.
Writing this grant application has really made me think about my work. I feel like I need to explain why my work is important. It’s kind of funny, I just assume because it’s important to me it must be important to at least some other people. People seem to like watching my stuff anyway. And I try to be entertaining.
Time to get back to work! And have a snack!