Kissing better

I’m home from work today because I feel crappy. Oh well. So much for my spotless attendance. It really is too bad because it means 60 bucks less on my cheque. So I think I’ll go into work on Sunday.

I’ve been shooting this week for Grandpa’s 90th birthday, we’re doing greetings. Everyone’s is different. It’s pretty cool, got to videotape family all week. Some of them were hilarious, and at the end Grandpa gets a dvd of his whole family wishing him well. I just need to shoot Auntie Beth still and I’m done. Oh yes, and I have to edit it together, but that won’t take long. Think I’ll start this afternoon while I’m home. The whole family is getting together on Friday for wine and cheese and cake presumably, with Grandpa and Grandma. I love my grandparents, they keep trying to get me to go to the gay and lesbian church services in town so I can meet somebody. I just might too.

I’ve been realizing that I want children in my life somehow. Not to raise necessarily, just to hang out with. Kids are fun. But I think I may have to wait until my cousins have kids of their own that I can hang out with. It will happen.

It’s been a nice long time since I have gone crazy. I’m glad. Going crazy is a big fucking health concern, because it takes so long to recover from and it does have a very long lead up period. So I’d estimate it takes about a year to go through the whole thing, the lead up, the actual crazy time, and the recovery period where you just sleep and sleep to build back up your seratonin. Even with the amazing meds we have today, craziness still wreaks havoc on one’s life.

I really like my job, which is a good thing. I actually feel bad that I’m not there today to interview people. I like interviewing people, it’s interesting to find out everybody’s opinions on things. Even little things. And the office environment is good, very chill yet professional. It’s a good place to work.

Not like another call centre I worked at where the supervisors bitched out the callers once a day about this or that en masse. You really need a supportive office atmosphere to do calling, otherwise it just feels like no one appreciates you, and for sure a lot of the people we call don’t appreciate getting calls.

I’m stuck in my big video project I’m working on, Homelands. I have a title finally but I’m stuck on the narrative flow. It’s one of those situations where I know I have to shoot a little bit more to get it to work.

I’m still not smoking, and this time I think I might just be able to stick to it. I haven’t been bumming smokes and the patch is working. I don’t know if I’m rotating the place I stick it to enough though, I’ve just been jumping from shoulder to shoulder each day. No ill effects so far! And I smell better, and I can taste better, and I can KISS better, and I also have a better smelling apartment. Plus no more wasted money, especially now when money is so tight for me. I’m currently broke and in debt to my mom, who I will be paying back for a loan with my artist fees. I’ve got a bus pass now though, and some groceries, and rent is paid until January. Also my phone/net/tv bill got paid. I just have to pay my electricity with my next pay cheque and I should be all caught up.

The life of an artist, money or poverty. I wish I had some extra dough right now, especially with christmas coming, but I’m only buying for my mom and my sister this year, which should be easy. Sky’s happy with a dvd and mum needs something thoughtful. None of us really needs anything in particular this year, I bought all my major needs during my grant period. Like my red microwave. I use it ALL the time. This is the first time I’ve had a microwave, and I honestly don’t know how I lived without it. It cooks things so fast!

I do need a kitchen table and chairs. I want to have my Christmas Brunch at my house this year but I’m not sure how to do it without a table and chairs. I guess some people could sit on the floor. But I’d feel like a bad host.

Christmas Brunch is the only annual party I do up really. It’s just an excuse to eat lots of food and drink and smoke up. It’s a totally lush event. The point is to get as drunk as possible midday and therefore sleep it off for the rest of the day. Last year Carrie Gates, Shavonne Somvong, and Ryan Wonsiak came over and it was great fun. I don’t know yet who will come this year. Probably Deanna.

I can’t NOT do it this year, but I have very little money which means it’s going to have to be a potluck brunch again.

Anyway, enough about that. I have been having dreams about girls lately which makes me think I am lonely. I need to get it on with someone, but I don’t really have a specific target these days, besides one girl who seems cute and funny. Is cute and funny enough to build a relationship on? Do I even want a relationship? It seems like a relationship would fit into my life, now that things have calmed down for me and I have a job and am committed to taking my medication, instead of just being committed. And now that I’ve quit smoking I would taste better if someone kissed me.

One of my exes who’s tried and failed to quit smoking once told me one of her other lovers said to her “Your pussy tastes just like a cigarette!” “Which I thought was kind of harsh” she said. No doubt.

My pussy no longer tastes like cigarettes.

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