My life as the Famous Thirza Cuthand

It’s been 12 years that I’ve been making videos for the international festival circut. I turned 29 this April. When I was sixteen I made “Lessons in Baby Dyke Theory” which got me phone calls from places like Manhattan and Berlin. And I was stuck in a rinky-dink high school in Saskatoon, the same one that tortured Joni Mitchell. I was called brave for talking about being openly queer in a “rural community.” That appellation for Saskatoon would probably piss off fellow students who thought drinking to barfyness was evidence of high cosmopolitan living. No, having a coke dealer in high school does not a super star make.

Anyone who watched my hedonistic 20’s, however, would think I must have been a partier in high school. It’s a myth. My best friends were people in their thirties, in school I hung out with gifted outcasts and was the nerdliest of nerdlings, on the honour role without fail every semester. Christopher Lefler was the first person to hand me a drink, and was shocked to find out I was still a virgin. He encouraged me to go after my main crush, but after a sad little threeway I ended up getting pierced so I could lose my virginity a second time to someone who wasn’t afraid to be alone with me, and I did. I ended up making “Bisexual Wannabe” about the experience. Pretty much all of my films are autobiographical, which is why they keep ended up in places like Hot Docs.

“Well you had better never make a video about me!” my ex Margaret Flood once told me. This after she gave me a copy of Melting Point stolen from the New York Public Library for my birthday one year.

Anyway, I was looking for a worldly girlfriend, one who actually wanted to go all the dramatic and romantic places I ended up traversing as a world famous video artist. I think if you want to travel, becoming a filmmaker is the way to do it. And if you want to be rich, uh, you might want to go into stock broking or something, because like I said, it’s been twelve years and I’ve only moved onto feature films now.

I think after 12 years in this biz I can honestly say the sexiest people in the world are filmmakers. You have to network, for one thing, and the cuter you are the easier it is to get your connections. You need to be able to tell good stories. And you have to be able to talk about things like sex, religion, death and politics in a way where people will stay in their seats to find out who you are, even if they end up hating you.

And not only that, but you end up having just bizarre adventures, like a scene in the Sugar Refinery with one Mr. Paul Lang for the benefit of Bruce La Bruce. Duct tape is hard to wash off by the way.

FILMMAKERS ARE SEXY ESSENTIALLY BECAUSE WE ARE SHAMELESS>

And so am I. I’ve been in and out of the psych ward here, a classic panopticon, since April. I have to say compared to Montreal it’s a five star hotel. Which is why I ca now honestly say that after 4 years of working on it, my feature screenplay, “Bunnyhug,” is finally in the hands of a professional who is looking at the budget for it.

And yes, it’s a comedy.

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