Monthly Archives: April 2007

Haven’t you ever been Alan Smithee’d?

Alan Smithee is a name given to a participant in a film which they have no interest in making. I decided to crack the Alan Smithee code. I looped it through a unicode server which already exists in several different languages, all indigenous. It is based in a unicode mainframe. I can’t access my computer without compassion. I looped it through Gmail. I took Nels Nielson off of my gmail account because he invited me and then we had a spat, at work. Anyway, whatev man.

I based Luke’s Alan Smithee account on Monty Python and The Holy Grail. After it was cracked I saw it was signed by Richard M. Nixon. A joke? Probably. Maybe. Either way, it was really funny when I finally watched it. I made it talk in French and all other languages, and I made it disability accessible. I also videotaped what it looks like in chaos theory, which is fucked up! I mean, the images. It was all wavy and zooming around and stuff. Either way, I am working through Stanford’s Project Backrub, which is what Google is. I cancelled my domain registration. And I also tried to report my SIN card as stolen, because I don’t know how much of my ID James ended up writing down. Either way, I didn’t get a chance to really report it, as I had Jerusalem Syndrome. April Fools Jerusalem Syndrome!

Plus I had a massive seizure, and was put back on Lamictal which made me go into anaphylactic shock. I died! Literally. I have a new pdoc, and a councellor, and my GP. And my weiner dog, who is a seizure alert dog. And he’s really good at it! I am going to try and get into formal service dog training this summer, I know a trainer in town who is most excellent, especially with little dogs. And especially training psych service dogs. But mostly, I dunno, it probably is epilepsy. I am trying to see a neurologist. And then I may also have thyroid issues. And I also have to fix my computer.

Either way, I am doing a LOT better since my job ended. Sort of. I still need to calm down. I have nightmares I am being chased by an Oscar Meyer Weinermobile yelling “Achtung achtung!”

Alan Smithee could be anyone really. And just about everyone in the Industry has run into an Alan Smithee.

My Alan Smithee was the montreal psych system, a brutal system which dehumanizes people. After I got out, I got hit by lightning. It was like getting ECT. I would just loop through that one time period over and over and over. And I decided to get out of the loop.

But getting off psych drugs is hard. And especially if you have TLE. Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. It’s almost the same as being crazy, but different! I’m trying to learn how to live with it. And I don’t know, I am gifted so there is that to work with too.

And there were also bad memories I had of someone who pretty much assaulted me before and after I went to the psych ward. And he decided to keep calling and telling me he was going to kill my whole family. My dad made a report with the Quebec police about death threats, but not much came of it, although it is on file there. I tried to report my ID stolen to the police, but not much came of that either. And then of course, there were the screen memories. It was like being put into a cult. I hate cults! Psychiatry is a cult, the way it works when it uses force.

Currently I am healing and just trying to get back to normal. I am trying to take a break from the News and Religion, but it always comes up again. Anyway, I am going to go have a nap now. I’m staying with family, trying to feel okay about life. It is hard, that is for sure. I decided to rewrite my screenplay, now that I know what the Alan Smithee is. I’m going to be spending the summer on holidays, occasionally writing.

That was stupid

I was trying to link my cousin up to a compassionate unicode mainframe for him to heal and ended up locking myself out of my computer!!! WTF?

Anyway, I will be fixing that later.

I have decided to forgo the boy option. I quite like being silky smooth.

I am trying to quit smoking, that is VERY hard. Depressing.

I am healing from my last job, I mean, my office worker job, because the stuff I was reading was WAY too hardcore for me. I still have nightmares.

I have nightmares that I am being chased by an Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, no joke!

Anyway, I am still healing, and I will write briefly now and then, but if other people want to write here they can go ahead.


Cast your votes!

Who made Easter safe for same sex lovers?

Okay, how about, who is Trogdor?

Okay, is alcohol detrimental to people’s well being?

Last question, and this is an easy one:

What does ACC stand for?

Entry for April 09, 2007
And the Exiles Church is a real name for a real group, but they have to go learn on their own. And they have a safe place to do it finally, because they chose the Albert Community Centre. Which has a jewish centre in it. And James Diamond is Jewish, so if he did good he can walk in and teach. If not, someone else has to teach. And I want the summer off so I can rewrite my screenplay. I hope you like it!! It’s a love story about hate. And chasing hate away. And it has metaphorical dragons in it, but I am a literal boy, so it will just be about a couple of people. And transitioning into male! How’s that for a story? Anyway, I don’t teach Exiles. But they maybe can learn on their own now. I hope so, because I work with professional artists. And THEY are cool, because they always get it.

So thanks a lot Art Community for watching me grow up and helping me get out. And I will be seeing you at the ACC!

Most Sincerely Yours
Sarain Stump
ACC stands for:

Assinine Confusion Collective
Atypical Canadian Collective
Aboriginal Curatorial Collective

Mawwige! Twue Wuv

I deliberately married a dyslexic to save people. I don’t know if you knew I could do that. But the marriage has been legally annulled. HOWEVER, Cindy and Megan really are legally married, it went safely. And I knew I could be there without hurting people because James Diamond though we got married ages ago. I don’t know why. He’s a weird guy that way. Anyway, I gave him a bicycle and a bottle of liquor in honour of him finding me. But even though that was a good game, it’s not good to play while on a drinking binge. And I quit drinking ages ago. I took up smoking temporarily because it’s a common thing in kundalini awakenings. Anyhow, there really is a dragon, it’s name is Trogdor! It is a burninator. And I burned my psych stuff ages ago. I have the bill though, if he wants to pay for it. It’s about 21 000. I hope he does pay for it, I know he has some money now. And after all, he wouldn’t let me work after, except for call centres. But I never had the super special thing with me in Montreal, it was left here in Saskatoon. I would never take my most precious possession out of my mom’s house without knowing it was safe.

Anyway Montreal, I bid you adieu. And Toronto, thanks for calling me, York, and I did want to get three letters of recommendation in but I couldn’t find any in time for the deadline. Mom didn’t want me to leave home again anyway. I’ll move out of her house, but not yet, I have to find a place that take service animals. Because they are well trained now. And I trained a master healer, at Cindy And Megan’s wedding. Her name is Deanna, and she’s my favorite cousin. She’s leaving university to come up here and find her path. And so I think she’s more important right now than formal education, because I like watching her grow up and I don’t want her to be in danger.

So I’ll stay in Saskatoon. I like it here, the river, the beaches, the art community especially. And hopefully now people remember what a cosmopolitan town Saskatoon is. Which is why I always laughed when critics of my work said I came from a rural place. No way man, I’m a city girl. Or boy. Or whatever.

Thanks for reading. I hope it illuminated some things for you, especially about how powerful true love is. And Cindy and Megan have it.


This formula was discovered by Albert Einstein. Energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light. If you have two lightworkers hurling mass around, you get energy. This is different than nuclear technogy, which just does stupid shit. Energy, in this case, refers to God. And white light can never be converted into dark matter. 2 lightworkers on the same mission can still save the world, even when they disagree. Maybe especially when they disagree.

When I saw the lights in the sky they were disagreeing, they were fighting. And they displayed a particular pattern as they tangled, and it looked messed up!! And I deliberately didn’t stay to watch the end, because I knew I couldn’t. But in the end they were One again. In the end they were whole, even after all that conflict. And they chose specific dates to describe it. And they both guessed the end correctly.

Songs for tonight:
Shortbus Soundtrack.

Totally fine

I really did get married last night but I did it so no one noticed. She said yes by the way. I think. She’s being weird. But she’s okay, I have all of the things she sent into the world. They are all safe, and so is she. I love her. She’s the most powerful woman I know.

Questions? Ask Lynn Hill

I lost Lynn Hill’s phone number, but she can be reached at She can also be found at Bad Manors in Strathcona and at the Union Market in Strathcona. She serves the best coffee in Vancouver. Please get in touch with Lynn Hill for any further questions.


Amphitere is a private tutoring company located in Saskatoon Saskatchewan. It’s instructors are available for lessons after Labour Day 2007. Hourly rates are $100, non-negotiable. Application fee for private lessons is $200. Prospective students will be interviewed via telephone after providing required application package. Instructors set own hours, choose own students, will travel only when they desire. A collectivist learning environment.

For more information please contact while answering this skill testing question:

Define E=MC2 (that’s squared to you!)