I feel like I should come clean with most of what this blogging process over the last ten years has been about. I was interested in the idea of confessing because I wanted to chart a creative process. And I started following all the places that creative process took me. And some were very unusual places. Some things here are true. Some are not. The key is trying to learn how to discern which is which. Some things are not even necessary to think about. I wanted to see if putting myself under surveillance for ten years would make me GO to certain places I needed to go. And I think they did, in a funny way. I’ve had a strange ten year journey. I did deal a lot in archtypal imagery, because The Hero’s Journey always uses archetypes. It’s the foundation of all story telling. I wanted to find out what my own Hero’s Journey would be.
And it was a strange journey. It went odd places. It made a spiritual awakening into a spiritual emergency. The emergency is over. It’s actually back at a gentle rhythm that is more easily corralled. It got weird again because I did get frozen in the middle of a spiritual emergency, and all those massive archetypal forces came pouring back out. That’s the way it works. I did burn all my stuff, and I’m not burning this but I am ready to hand the reins over to the people. I have various creative folks in my life who are interested in talking about deep thoughts that form their practice. It’s for them that I have gone this far out. I wanted to make a high profile place for them to talk about being gifted and creative and the issues involved in all kinds of things. And they probably won’t go many of the places I went. They have their own places to go. And that’s good, they are ready for that. And I am ready to quit being an online director and go back to the mundane business of writing feature screenplays in the privacy of my own home. But I was curious you know, what would show up if I voluntarily put my creative process gibberish online. And some of it is gibberish. And some of it makes sense. And you get to decide which, which is the point.
I did finish my positive disintegration, it’s over, I’m at secondary and I have a moral code I didn’t have before. And that’s a good thing. And maybe other people have also found their own moral codes. But I was healing from psych meds, and I did have an abusive time in the psych ward, and I do have a sense of spirituality. And I am relearning who I am. I’ve carried other people’s stories because I felt I needed to protect them or something. But they aren’t my stories at all. They’re cosmic stories because we have had to go through a cosmic journey. And now, other people get to direct that journey. And I am retiring from this blog. But I do want to see my friends take it over, I think they have all kinds of interesting things to say, because they have inspired me in many ways.
You know why I went this far? Honestly, because I knew I could. I knew this turned into just me being a director and seeing what happened, and showing a creative process and seeing what happened with that. I know I’m going to just be an auteur director and needed to put my name way out there. But I do like festivals over covert agents. Film festivals are awesome. And I am ready to rejoin the land of the bizarrely talented artists again. I think I worked through everyone else’s stories and I am ready to go back and find my own. And my story, honestly, is just another vampire movie. I like vampires, I can’t help it. They are fascinating figures. I learned everything I felt I needed to learn and said everything I felt I needed to say. And now, some other people can start talking. And some of the things they say will make more sense to people now, because they didn’t carry everyone’s story with them. I don’t know what these people will say, I think they have their own plans. And I do think we need a Soteria house, definitely, because we need a safe place for these emergencies. And I’m glad my emergency is over. I’m glad to just be a regular human.
But really, I think people did need to see what a creative process looks like. And this is what that process looks like. It’s messy, bizarre, outrageous, silly, and some of it may be totally true. But honestly, you’re going to have to discern truth for yourself, because I can’t do it for you. And that’s cool.
I do hope you like my movie, when I finish it. I have a bunch I am planning, and some are dark and some are funny and some are just things I have noticed about the world. I’m going to miss writing in this blog, but I know other people are also having Fits of Pique. And they have a place to have them.