I’m in an alright mood right now, it’s nice. I think because I figured some stuff out lately, and figured out what I want to do next. I have three deadlines coming up in the next month, so things are kind of wild right now, or they will be, or they SHOULD be!! I need to write up a few pages of my next screenplay. I haven’t usually overlapped projects so much, but I have to say I kind of like the pace of it, it goes with my brain well. I still need to talk to one of my references for grad school and FIND two more references for grad school. I have some people in mind, but it’s such a different direction to go into. There’s a residency in Toronto I want to apply for this summer, just because I haven’t applied to residencies before. I’ve had them, I just never applied like people usually do. So I want to beef up my resume by going vanity googling for shows I was in and didn’t know about. I have to figure out what particular things I need to change in my script, because I know it’s really just a slight alteration in a few scenes and I have it, but I’m all panicking and thinking about having to do the whole thing over.
And I have to finish those tweaks on my short video so that I can get it to the distributors. AND I wanted to make a compilation DVD of my work, and I’m thinking I should do it now. Or start it. Something. I want to get a newer copy of DVD Studio but I don’t know if you can buy it on it’s own anymore.
Sometimes I think the only reason I have a career is because I was so socially awkward that I had to do something else besides while away my youth with other people. I dunno. I can socialize sometimes, but maybe retreating from the world gave me a chance to live in my own head and be creative. I’m starting to not feel so bad about my dramatic teens and twenties. I started a career, that was a good thing. I never really understood people who didn’t have a career by the time they were twenty. I mean, I don’t think of a career as something where you’re guaranteed a solid income, but some kind of work that you’re passionate about.
So yeah, feeling better. I got an address book so that I can actually have people’s numbers again. So embarassing, I spent months without anyone’s number. Literally, I lost everyone’s number in June, just after Christopher died. And so I’m getting everyone’s number again, or putting them all in the same spot, or whatever. I was embarrassed to note that the first four numbers I put in was a current crushola, two ex girlfriends, and my last crush. In that order. What the hell. I guess my priorities are clear. The tragic part is I wasn’t even going to do anything about it until I had a fight with a close friend and she griped at me for not having any support network and then I realized it was true just because I lost my phone numbers and hers was only one of three numbers I could remember. And I couldn’t really remember Lynn or Velveeta’s numbers very often, I just randomly dialed similar numbers until I reached their place. And asking if Velveeta is there is a really weird thing to hear a total stranger say on your phone. Apparently they’ve been commiserating on getting bizarre phone messages from me, usually when I’m high. And freakin Dana, Miss Biennale, is hard to get a hold of, and I need to ask her for a reference for grad school. Last time I sent her an email I got some “Oh, I’m busy here in Barcelona” thing. Lucky ducky. Who knows where she is now. When I told her I was moving to Saskatoon she said “Oh, I always wanted to retire to Southern Saskatchewan. Or the South of France, I’m not sure.” Yeah, because they’re so similar! She’s great. She ate some west coast food I couldn’t finish and felt bad about because it was a cultural faux pas. Fish eggs are not vegetables, that was false advertising.
I never ate Oolican in Vancouver and I never ate Poutine in Montreal. I couldn’t do it. And now that I’ve said that, of course, the next time I go to either of those places I will be assaulted with the above mentioned delicacies.
So all in all, I really think I’ve finally turned a corner in my healing from The Ward. I feel like I can get back to the way life was four years before. Well, in a better way though. I saw a video on youtube about psychiatric survivors and they said people healed a lot better without medication because then they could think and feel. It does make a difference. I already feel like I have been able to have some really intense feelings this anniversary that have helped me resolve certain things, and even to see parts of me I don’t really like. It’s good for me.
Hey, does anyone remember party lines? As in, a group of people would share the same number and based on different rings would answer or not? Not Lavalife or other silly stuff. I knew a friend who was on a party line when I was a kid.