Monthly Archives: November 2006

Same Sex Marriage

The only thing I hate about Same Sex Marriage is the term. It sounds suspiciously akin to Lesbian Bed Death (ugh). I imagine it referring to a union where both partners got tired of sexually experimenting and have now fallen into the rut of Same Sex. Not no sex, just tirelessly, relentlessly, unceasingly boring routine sex.

Blerg, that would suck ass. Thank god there are Pro Dom/mes in the world.

On a side note, you would be surprised how many female sex workers will take on female clients.

Back to Same Sex Marriage. I used to not care, seriously, I was all who the fuck cares if I can get married, but probably a lot of that was due to some cynicism about romance and the fact that there are nuns more sexually active than me. Anyway, then I started thinking about it. I have always had kind of a soft spot for marriage. I know some people really hate the idea of marriage because “it’s all about ownership!”

I know. *smile* Why do you think I get off on it?

I’m not much for the idea of standing in front of a bunch of people who are just waiting for the free sandwiches and necking with a girl in front of my mum and grandma. Mostly I hate the idea because I have terrible stage fright and I’m scared I’ll embarrass myself by fainting, farting, having a seizure, peeing my pants, getting tremors, bleh bleh bleh. Also I don’t like the idea of spending so much money on one day.

I have a better idea for my wedding. I want to get married at a courthouse, have diamond rings, and then go to Paris for two weeks. I mean, my god, I feel embarrassed even having to go on stage to accept an award. Or being paranoid there will be hecklers.

I’ve been keen on the diamond ring idea for a while though. I’m even considering buying myself a diamond ring just because. I also want a cashmere sweater. I’m one of those people with pricey desires, and at this point in life no one can make me feel guilty about it anymore. I’ve even developed a fetish for femmes in full length fur coats.

My mom doesn’t understand this desire for diamonds. My friend Naufus also wants cashmere and diamonds, we think it’s something about being Emily Carr alumni.

I had a dream I was getting married and when they asked if anyone had a reason I shouldn’t get married my mum yelled out “She’s only doing it for the ring!”

The real reason I’m into Queer marriage though is that it affords our relationships legal rights which straight people (even in common law marriages) take for granted. It means my partner would have a legally recognized position in my life. For example, if I was in a hospital again and unable to give consent to a procedure, my partner could decide, like if someone needed to pull the plug but my mom insisted they keep my mushy liquidy brain alive, then I would have someone to bat for me. Or if I was in the psych ward and they wanted to do ECT just because they got tired of trying out pharms, then I’d have someone who would say fuck off with your electricity, I’m the only one she lets electrocute her.

iPod sanctions, Jackass Soldiers, Borat and Ali G

George W Bush’s newest idea to intimidate North Korea is a sanction on Kim’s favorite gadgets, including iPods. Can you imagine? I love my iPod, but if I had superpower ambitions and a nuke, I would laugh if you tried to punish me by taking away my iPod. Besides that, imagine how easily it would be to smuggle in an iPod. Think how many Americans smoke cuban cigars.

The US military is investigating some YouTube videos which show some gross behaviour, including the now infamous video of soldiers making kids run a mile behind a tank in the hopes of getting a bottle of water and laughing. Was amazes me is that these fucked up soldiers are so invested in documenting all of their abuses. They’re like the Jackass/Bumfights generation of soldiers. All soldiers throughout history have done evil things, but these dudes film it and proudly display it on the internet. Remember all the Abu Ghraib photos with the thumbs up? Rumsfeld’s solution was to ban cameras.

It’s kind of interesting, the first Gulf War was all very controlled in terms of images we were allowed to see. Like camera shots from “smart” bombs hitting targets. Now with the internet no one can stop people from seeing the uncensored view of the war. And the irony is that it’s the perpetrators who are making the images of this war, not reporters, just some cocky soldier with a camera.

I guess we had the same thing in Canada. Remember the murder of the Somali boy on a Canadian peacekeeping mission? They took all kinds of pictures of him.

There was a website for a while that offered soldiers a free account (it was an amateur porn site) if they uploaded a gory war photo. Tons of images came in that were each more gruesome than the last. The US military FREAKED and shut the site down, mostly to cover up the real face of war.

All very depressing.

In other news, Borat was the cause of Pam and Kid Rock’s divorce. Apparently he saw the movie and flipped out on her in front of people calling her a whore and a slut. She had been in on the joke in the film and apparently had a great time performing, so it must have been devastating for her to have hubby treat her like shit over it. It was a major highlight of the film, it made me crack up anyway.

Other Borat trivia:
Borat’s well hung son was played by Stonie, a gay porn star. Sacha Baron-Cohen was slugged out as Borat by an unappreciative New Yorker. Also he is being sued by various parties.

Some people are really appalled at Sacha’s brand of comedy, even when they haven’t actually seen it. I think it’s because he’s a Contrary. In Cree terms this is someone who teaches by the creed “If you cannot be a good example, be a terrible warning.” For example, more well known aboriginal Contraries would be Coyote, Wesachejahk, or Nanabush. You can’t take him at face value or you’d be an idiot, something he shows over and over in his film. I find it hard to explain why this kind of satire works. It’s kind of like people who hate Ab Fab because Edina and Patsy are so evil, but don’t realize that’s the point, they are the antagonists. It goes against what we’re taught are the rules in narrative storytelling.

I leave you with one of my favorite Ali G clips.

Poorest Postal Code

Well, it’s snowing in Vancouver, just as their brown icky water was finally safe to drink. However whenever I call friends out there, these concerns are barely a footnote. Maybe because Vancouverites are expected to complain about the rain so much that when there’s something else to complain about it seems awkward.

I will always miss the beauty of Vancouver.

And I will always remember the ugliness.

For the last year there I lived in Strathcona, about six blocks from Main and Hastings, the epicentre of poverty, drug addiction, sex trade, one room occupancy, etc etc etc. I’ve yet to see another skid row so dramatic. It was safe to walk around there if you knew the rules, the number one rule being don’t look a stranger in the eye. If you do it means either you’re looking for a john, you’re looking for drugs, or you’re looking for a fight. But aside from that, it was a nice neighborhood to live in, if you like drama. I had a friend who would point out the really scary people, like the neighborhood pedophile, or the neo nazi’s. People really looked out for each other though, ESPECIALLY the Hastings crowd. Watching them from afar over such a long period of time made me notice this whole network going on. Yeah, poor, dysfunctional, painful, but they noticed when one of their kin went missing. They kept track if someone had a hot shot. And they were so active in creating community resources, like the safe injection site. In some ways it makes me feel bad for marginalized addicted poor who live in smaller centres with less visibility to push for services. People in Saskatoon are living just as on the edge as Main and Hastings.

There were fun things about that neighborhood too, like the Prickhouse, which always had a nice laid back vibe to it and where we met Wendy 13 and talked about the withdrawal effects of paxil and those damned electric zaps. There was the Cobalt, where I saw Kill Allen Wrench take a beer bottle smash to the forehead mere feet away. (Allen Wrench supposedly killed Kurt Cobain, though I also heard a rumour it was his cult suicide programming kicking in.) Allen Wrench and his bloody face were so close my friend caught a flyer for the event soaked in blood. I was a little suspicious of her carrying away a biohazardous souvenier.

Once I waited at the bus stop to go visit friends and a boy with blood oozing out of him ran up to me and yelled CANADA while sprinkling my clothes with his blood. Bleh. Thanks a bunch.

One corner always had lethal car accidents for some reason.

I won’t tell you how many propositions I got, and none of them were for marriage!

Once it was dark and someone who didn’t know I was me started yelling at me that I was a sick pedophile who molested her children and then she got embarrassed when she found out I wasn’t Mr. Sick, but told me his apartment number.

Once in my apartment I got so drunk I puked on the floor and fell asleep.

Once in my apartment building a guy took a hot shot and his body wasn’t found for two weeks when, you know, the smell was annoying.

It wasn’t far to walk to the lesbian bar, where girls would give me suspicious looks. Being in a lesbian bar is not unlike being in high school.

Once a neighbor who was a john fleeced some poor sex worker out of her fee and she was outside his door screaming at him and his “dirty scaley dick.” The next day someone wrote on the mirror “Would all tenants please donate 25cents to _______ so he can pay crack whores to suck his dirty scaley dick?” I laughed and threw a quarter down.

Another time at New Years my friend and I were on our way out and noticed a puddle of blood on the floor under the pay phone.

Strangely enough, all of those things weren’t the true ugliness of Vancouver. The ugliness was the dysfunction, and how little people were genuinely compassionate. There are good people in Vancouver, but there’s a lot of mean people too.

The end of an Era

Originally uploaded by fit of pique.

We got Deuteronomy at the end of the Cold War. He was supposed to be the companion kitty to my intellectually challenged sister. Oh man, or is the word developmentally delayed? It’s not that horrid R word anyway. I first saw him in a quonset at my uncle’s farm. He was teeny, and I wanted him right away. I just had a feeling about him. I had been badgering my mother for nearly a year to get a cat and she’d finally caved when Uncle John’s cat had kittens.

Partly we wanted a cat because they weren’t accidentally killed as often as hamsters, but that is another story.

He was a sweet guy and totally cuddly even to strangers on the street. He was also a deadly hunter and a big meanie fighting tom. He killed 7 generations of blue jays who insisted on nesting in the same tree every year. He also left us for six months to go live with the neighbors, who called him Moochie.

His death was beautiful and dignified, he got a sedative and then The Shot and was petted and loved right until he died in our arms. He was lucky to have such a nice death. I really hope euthanasia is legal by the time I’m old, crotchety, and ready to leave.

Bye Deuter.

More UFO’s

Today we’re saying goodbye to Deuteronomy, our family cat we’ve had since I was a girl. He was a real sweetheart, who was Sky’s companion and put up with a lot of mauling without ever scratching her. He made everybody love him, even if he had to run in front of strangers and roll around showing his tummy. He will be terribly missed. He’s being euthanized today because his kidney’s are failing and he’s probably in pain but he’s really dignified so he’s been trying not to show it. I’m glad he’s going when he’s still feeling a little better, it’s awful to euthanize a much loved pet after they’ve gone totally downhill and are miserable.

I’m STILL not smoking. I had a dream about smoking recently, there was a cigarette rolled from butts and I was like “ooh, I’ll smoke that later.” (yes I know that’s gross) I woke up in a panic that I had broken my quit, but it was all a dream. I’m starting to go through more smoking triggers in my life, but none of them have seriously pushed me into bumming a smoke. And I like that I smell nice again, and my cough is going away. And I find it really funny that after my theory that no girls were macking on me because I was a smoker, seems to be true since I kissed someone two weeks after quitting! That’s reason enough to quit.

Right, the UFO’s. Okay, SO, my friend Laurel and I went out on Friday night driving at around 11:30 – 1am. She told me there have been more and more sightings of UFO’s and strange lights at these times, particularily on the east side of the city. Sure enough, we saw blue lights slowly come down from the sky, and a triangular craft flew by us then went over 8th street, this huge craft with lights along the side kind of lighting up in this pattern. I wasn’t NEARLY so scared as the last time, altough we both did get terrified when we saw some of the blue ships get really close to the ground. If anyone wants to see UFO’s, go out around 11;30 or 12;00. Go to the east side and drive around. Remember to check out Diefenbaker park and Cranberry Flats. Be prepared to drive away fast. And remember that blue ships have a reputation for having beams.

Firefox Browser Needed

I figured out why Safari was being an asswipe about showing my blog. Apparently now Mac users need to use Mozilla to see my blog. Crap! Sooooo, I am going to work on getting this freakin’ blog back to some semblance of normality. And then I have to fix the trap in my sink, it’s clogged and gross. In the meantime, here is the now infamous gay kiss in the video game Bully. It’s pretty cute.

Stupid upgrade

Blogger is “upgrading” to something more fancy and so forth. So like an idiot I upgraded, even though this is so beta that it’s delta. Anyway, it looks like crap, and I can’t cut and paste posts anymore or they turn into crap, and no one can see the archives. SAD!!! So yes, this is my acknowledgement that obviously I have things to work on, and hopefully I will remember my html enough to whip this into a decent shape. Again.

No Grandkittens for You

Schrodinger is back from the vet sans testicles. I feel sorry forhim, he looks like he shaved his pubes and he’s running around the basement crying. He’s segregated from the other animals because they kept putting their noses into his bum. I hear him stomping around now. I will never have grandkittens now. And it kind of makes me sadbecause he’s so pretty, along with being a purry cuddly sweetheart(even though he was an asshole as a kitten and people actuallypredicted he would commit matricide).

I don’t really have much to write about, so I’m going to do one ofthose bouncy around link things. First off, I never thought I would be this impressed by a condom. Pronto is the fastest condom to put on and is made in South Africa. Really, you just have to watch the video. I warn you, it gets mesmerising, especially if you watch it over and over. It’s like, the perfect thing for back alley tricks, airplane bathrooms, etc. They still need to perfect a stealth condom for sex workers who get paid more for bareback oral. Obviously something like that can’t make a cracking sound.

I guess everyone has heard about Michael Richard’s racist explosion of monumental proportions. For anyone trying to find some good excuses for Kramer, check this shit out.”>src\u003d”“type\u003d”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode\u003d”transparent” width\u003d”425″height\u003d”350″>

Now check out his more subdued apology when he realizes he killed his career by being a white supremacist.″>″type\u003d”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode\u003d”transparent” width\u003d”425″height\u003d”350″>

I actually laughed watching this, because I thought of all kinds of people being taken to task on their blind hatred of various groups of humans and acting like this. I mean, imagine Hitler apologizing onthe Late Show. “I’ll try to contain that rage I feel towards millions of people I killed.” Or Bush “I’m sorry that my hatred for Muslims lead me to destroy all hope of peace in the Middle East, obviously I’m not doing too well and there are things I need to work on.”

OMG! Someone sent me an email saying I cumm very quickly and without ANY control!!! The cheek! It sounds like I’m running around spurting on everything! Okay, any of my readers, do I look like the kind ofperson who runs around cumming without control? How can anyone live like that?

*** yes I know my javascripting is buggered, I’ll fix it later ****

I wouldn’t mind fur if someone wore it to my house like this

Well, I have now lost THREE posts to the nothingness of a crashed web browser. So let’s start over again.

I got my ears guaged up not one, not two, but THREE sizes today. I started out as a sixteen and went up to a ten. My earrings are ridiculously huge so that they can tug on my lobes and help me in my quest to get to 2g. I’m wanting to get tunnels in, and I am very excited about it. This is my first stretching since the piercing was done back in August, which healed completely well even though to be honest I didn’t give it much attention. Technically since I was going to get them stretched this much I should have gone for a dermal punch, but ugh, okay, that’s a bit too hardcore for me. Just the name itself, bleh. I’m hoping I can get my industrial done for the 1st of December. That will be fun. And I’m still wanting to get this biohazard tattoo. I found someone in town who does really good black work. I’ve decided I want to live in my body and be myself even if that means I won’t work in certain places. I’m even toying with the idea of getting a subtle facial tattoo, but I don’t know where or what.

I’m thinking my next earring in my stretch a thon is going to be talons, because they’re hot.

What else? Schrodinger is finally getting neutered, which is good because then he’ll match everyone else in the house. I am the only one with working reproductive organs, and I am not going to use mine.

Cree class is fun, I’m starting to be able to put together simple sentences. I need to practice a lot more though. My mum keeps telling me to practice with my Grampa, but he kind of intimidates me, especially when he effortlessly said 99 jugs of wine, which is a really long phrase in Cree. God, I’m glad I’ll never have to deal with a situation like that. Imagine, not only having to ask for 99 jugs of wine, BUT IN CREE!

God, I’m tired, I was going to say something else but now I am going to go to bed. I will endeavour to write a more interesting blog tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s some Sexy Marcia Youtube style, with a special shout out to someone else who could watch her walk around like this for hours.

Warm fuzzies

I’ve been wandering around all weekend with a gooney look on my face and am totally not sure if I should put it on this blog. Oh I guess I will, but no names. I kissed someone I liked ages and ages ago and it was really nice. It’s been a long time since I kissed a girl and I can see why I am so hooked. Women are just fuckin’ hot. And there’s some sweetness about being close to someone I panted after for so long when I was young, even if nothing else happens.

Considering the intense shit I am reading as part of my job, it’s nice to have this sweet interaction going on outside of it. I have all kinds of sexy happy thoughts bouncing through my brain and it’s making life seem really good. I guess life is good anyway. I really can’t complain, I have a job, I’m creative again, my animals are wonderful, and I know someone who makes me feel all warm when I hug her.